Part of Me (Jessa & Paxton #1) Page 5

  I let out an amused laugh. I know exactly why he only wants me. I got a clear cut lesson on this shit when I was fifteen. He wants me because he can’t have me. That’s how relationships work. You give the guy everything and they become comfortable and eventually they are bored. Men need to be challenged. They need to hunt and kill and have their egos fed. I’m all up for the hunt, but never again will I be the kill. And that is why Dylan wants me. Because I let him chase me but I never really let him capture me.

  I could tell Taylor exactly how things will turn out between her and Will if she continues to be the perfect little girlfriend who gives Will everything he has ever wanted. She will get shit on. He will leave her for something more exciting and less attainable. Maybe she’ll get the dream wedding, maybe she’ll get a couple kids, maybe it will be thirty years from now, but it will happen. I would do her a favor and tell her the truth, but she would never believe it. “I don’t know why he still wants me. But I don’t want him and I’m not a complete bitch so I’m not going to go on one last date with him and let him start believing that he can get me back.”

  “Fine,” she huffs. “Maybe I’ll head down the hall and find a nice girl to take out on our double date.”

  She thinks she’s pissing me off. That she’s going to make me jealous. “That’s a good idea,” I tell her. “He likes long legs and long hair… Maggie seems like his type. Ask her.”

  “I will,” she sneers at me before heading out of the room.

  “Wait,” I call after her. Taylor heads back into the room with a smug look on her face, like I’ve changed my mind. But I haven’t. If I can assist in moving Dylan on, I truly want to. I really have been being nice to him but his constant calls and his drunk texts and his popping up every time I turn a corner is getting to the point where I will snap and say or do something awful to him, and he doesn’t deserve it. I head into my closet where a miniscule vanity is attached to the wall and grab my perfume off it. “Give this to Maggie. He loves it.”

  “Are you kidding me?” Taylor asks. “You are seriously trying to help him find another girl?”

  “I need him to move on. You and Will should try to make that happen and stop wasting your time trying to get me to go back to him.”

  “You have no feelings,” she tells me, snatching the perfume out of my hand and stalking back out of the room.

  I turn to the mirror, reapplying my lipstick, wondering if Taylor is right. She might be. The only guy that’s ever made me squirm in a good way is Paxton. But that lasted for a minute and now he’s my best friend. There is a really good chance I will never care about a guy enough to have feelings. Which is fine. I never want to fall in love. I throw my jacket on and head out of the dorm to wait for Violet.

  She’s pulling up as I head down the steps in front of the dorm. I can hear Vacation blasting out of her closed windows and I smile. We drive to a part of town I haven’t been to. Tonight we are going to a club which is apparently different than a bar. She told me to wear my dancing shoes, which I took to mean my shortest dress and my highest heels, which was the right call because Violet is dressed in a similar fashion.

  We pull behind a warehouse and Violet pays the guy ten bucks to get into the parking lot. Per her going out ritual, the music does not cease until the keys have been pulled from the ignition.

  “I’m so excited,” she tells me, bouncing her little butt in the seat. “Tonight is going to be so fun.”

  “I’m definitely in the mood for some fun,” I tell her before we step out of the car.

  Violet hitches her arm around mine and practically sprints me to the front door. I have a fake i.d. now. Violet hooked me up and this is my second time using it and again, it goes off without a hitch. The guy at the door is paying more attention to my skimpy dress than he is to the i.d.

  We walk through a hot, dark hallway that is pulsing with the bass from the house music. When the hallway ends we are in a two tiered dark room that is filled with dimly lit bodies. Violet steers us to the dance floor to find her ‘posse’.

  Louis and Jimmy; Violet’s boyfriend, are on the floor dancing with her friend, Camilla. I see Billy a few feet away leaned against a wall, looking irritated. Violet immediately starts getting down with Jimmy and I know to stay away from Louis because I’ve learned that every guy associated with Paxton’s past will not put his hands near me. Not even in a, we are just dancing and having fun, platonic, kind of way. Some of them will flirt if they think no one is looking, but I know better than to go anywhere near Billy or Louis. It’s a combination of what Paxton told me – that he doesn’t have friends that are girls so the guys can’t get past the fact that that’s what I am, and that Chicago Paxton had the reputation of being a huge, violent asshole. Whatever. It shouldn’t be a problem finding a guy in this packed house who has never heard the name Paxton Alvarado.

  Camilla puts her hands on my hips and starts moving to the music. I dance with her until I feel a larger set of hands grabbing me under my breasts. I peek behind me to see a tall guy with dark eyes and a sexy smile. I leave Camilla’s embrace to dance with my new friend. She spanks my ass when I turn around, but lets me go. The guy shouts words at me that I can’t hear over the music so I just smile at him. He pulls me close, securing his hands around my waist. I wrap my arms around his neck and move to the techno music, loving everything about this moment – the sexy music, the flirting, the heat from the bodies surrounding me. I love this world that Violet has introduced me to.

  The guy has his hips pressed into mine when Billy suddenly takes my hand in his and holds tight to it before forcing it down to my side. He gets in the guy’s face and says something. The guy gives me a disappointed look before walking away. What the hell? I’m used to everyone around me pulling guys off me at The Open Bottle, but screw that. I’m at a dance club and I want to dance.

  I rip my hand out of Billy’s and stare at him with a look that I hope conveys the words I am going to kill you if you don’t knock this shit off.

  He stares back at me with a look that says nothing’s gonna change.

  The house music shifts to a quieter psychedelic melody then and Violet is by my side, grabbing my hand and dragging me to the bar. I’m grateful. I want to tell Billy off but I don’t want to piss off Paxton’s friends. “What’s up with Billy?” I ask her as we wait at the packed bar.

  “He’s grumpy tonight. The opening band, Cause for Chaos… they are the remnant of a couple of bands that he, Louis and Paxton used to play with. I think it pisses him off to have to watch them on stage and not be there himself.”

  “What the hell happened with the band?” It’s one of those things they’re always hinting at but that they avoid talking about in front of me. Clearly it was a huge part of Paxton’s former life with Billy and Louis.

  Violet scrunches up her cute little pierced nose, like she’s not gonna say anything.

  “Jesus, it’s just a band. Clearly everyone at The Open Bottle knows about it, why can’t I?”

  We’re pushed up to the bar now and Violet shouts our drink order across it before looking back at me. “All the things, that Paxton hasn’t told you, are all related to that band,” she shouts.

  I grab our drinks off the bar and flip the guy a twenty. I drum my fingers out of frustration and impatience while I wait for the change. When I have it back in my purse I grab a hold of Violet and head up a set of stairs. At the top I see the ladies room and I drag her inside. “Can you just give me the basics?” I ask her. “I don’t understand what the huge secret is.”

  She pulls a bright pink lipstick out of her purse and looks into the mirror. “I don’t get why he hasn’t told you anything. I mean, you’re right, it was just a band.” She stops and her reflection glances at me.

  “And?”

  “The asshole I’ve told you about, the one I used to date – his name is Vincent. Cause for Chaos used to be his band. Billy and Louis and Elijah – you’ll meet him tonight, he’s the lead singer now- were all pa
rt of it too.” She puts her lipstick away now and turns to face me. “Billy found Paxton playing at some dive and he knew he had something. Their guitar player had just left town so Billy brought Paxton on board even though he was only fifteen.”

  “Okay,” I say, “and…” I can tell she’s hesitating.

  “The band was pretty big back then – headlining the best venues in Chicago. When Paxton would play people would listen. I mean- he’s good and he was so young… he just kind of drew his own following apart from the band and Vincent wasn’t cool with the attention he was getting. I hope you never have to meet the guy, seriously, he’s such an arrogant asshole. Anyway, when Vincent kicked him out of the band, Billy, Louis and Elijah followed him.

  “Paxton was pretty bitter about the whole scene at that point but the guys convinced him to give it another shot. His new band was just a joke to him- he named it Polly as an ode to all the people who suddenly wanted to be part of his life and the fans who basically worshiped the ground he walked on and would mimic back to him any absurd lyric he would sing to them. He never meant for the band to do anything but people loved him. They were playing shows every week, Paxton was still in high school, everything that you might imagine bands partaking in, Paxton partook in. He was too young to be thrown into it the way he was. He was already in over his head and then Vincent made it his mission to take Paxton down and eventually that’s what happened. He left town and Polly was no more. Billy and Louis haven’t played since.” Violet shrugs her shoulders.

  “Was that so hard?” I ask her, happy to finally have a miniscule understanding of Paxton’s past. Obviously, the bit about partaking in things that band members partake in and Vincent taking him down are the specifics that I’m not gonna learn about from anyone but Paxton, but at least I kind of get it now. At least I know that Paxton’s story about a shitty past that he doesn’t want to talk about is legit.

  “No, but seriously, don’t bring it up to Paxton. I promised him I would keep my mouth shut.”

  I roll my eyes at her, this is all so stupid, but I tell her, “Sure, Vi. I won’t say a word.”

  A loud bass guitar riff sounds and the crowd erupts. “Come on, let’s get down there,” Violet says, dragging me out the door.

  Violet pushes her way into the crowd until we are back with Louis and Jimmy. I see Camilla a few feet in front of us tangled up with some guy. I’m sure Billy is back on the wall.

  The guy on bass guitar finishes his solo and the lights go down and the stage is silent. The crowd starts cheering and my heart starts racing with adrenaline. The only place I’ve watched bands play are at the few outdoor concerts Paxton brought me to in Rochester. He was always desperate to see live bands but the concerts he brought me to had none of this raw energy attached to them.

  A spot light comes on, illuminating the guy with the mic… Elijah, I think Violet said his name was. “Come on, huh,” he grunts before chanting, “Give it up to me, give it up to me, give it up to me.” The crowd is chanting along with him and pumping their fists in the air, I can feel the electricity running through the room. Then the guitars and the drums kick in and the crowd is jumping up and down. A smile breaks out on my face as I join in the fray. The music is loud and the room is filled with heat and I’m jumping around in my heels and it all feels so damn good and freeing.

  As I watch the band I can’t help but think about Paxton; about this life that he lived. That used to be him up on the stage. That used to be his life. I can’t picture it, I mean the boy in River Bluff, up there on that stage.

  Cause for Chaos plays six songs before they head off stage to loud roars. I’m sweating and amped up and anxious for the main band to take the stage, but Violet grabs a hold of my hand and all of us head to the side of the stage where Billy is waiting.

  “Where are we going?” I shout. I can hardly hear my own voice over the ringing in my head.

  “Back stage,” she shouts back.

  The guy blocking the door nods when he sees Billy and lets us all pass. We are in another dark hallway and then Billy opens a door and leads us into a shabby room where the guys from Cause for Chaos are hanging out.

  “Hey, you guys made it,” Elijah says, slapping and embracing everyone who walks through the door. When he gets to me he looks me up and down then says, “Who’s the pretty girl?”

  Billy is, of course, all over it. “She’s Paxton’s,” he tells Elijah.

  Elijah gives me a mischievous smile. “Really?”

  “No, not really,” I say, glaring at Billy. “He’s a friend of mine. I’m not his girl.”

  Elijah nods at me. “What’d you think of the show?”

  He’s got a cocky look on his face so I tell him, “It was decent.”

  “Decent?” he laughs. “Alright, I’ll take decent from a girl like you.”

  Violet tugs me away from him and brings me to a tattered couch, pulling me down next to her. Operation Keep Jessa’s Chasity Belt On is a team effort. When Elijah ignores her effort and comes to sit on the other side of me I feel like breaking out into a cheer. He hands me a bottle of beer and slings his arm over the back of the couch, his body close to mine. He’s shirtless and his body is damp from his set, but I’ll take sweaty over nothing. “So is your boy in town?” he asks me.

  I need to have a shirt made that says, ‘Hi, I’m Paxton’s friend. I met him in Minnesota but he’s currently living with his dad in California!’ I’m tired of answering questions about Paxton. “Nope, not even close,” I mutter.

  “That’s good,” he tells me. “What do you think about being my girl tonight?”

  Lame, I think to myself about his come on, but since he’s not dissuaded by the name Paxton I tell him, “I could be your something tonight.”

  “Cool. I’m gonna get cleaned up. Don’t go anywhere,” he whispers into my ear before standing up and walking away. I watch him go. He’s got a nice body; a little pale, a little on the skinny side, but his muscles are defined and he’s got some nice pieces tattooed on his biceps and his back. I never thought I’d be into that, but ever since meeting Paxton they’re suddenly sexy as hell.

  “I wouldn’t go there if I were you,” Violet says as soon as he’s out of ear shot. I look across the room where Billy and Louis are talking to the other guys in the band. Both of them have their severe eyes on me.

  “Vi, I appreciate all of you looking out for me but I have needs and eventually someone is going to have to fulfill them.”

  “All he’s after is a little ass.”

  “Perfect,” I tell her. “That’s all I’m after, too.”

  She lets out a shocked little gasp. “Jessa!”

  I laugh as I look into Violet’s surprised eyes. “Seriously, Violet. I’m not looking for a boyfriend, I just need a little make out session.”

  “Looking for a rebound?” I haven’t talked to Violet about Dylan but I’m sure Paxton has filled her in.

  “No, Violet. I don’t do the boyfriend thing. Never have. Dylan was the only one, but he proved all my theories true, so I’m done with all of that. He was my first and last boyfriend. Ever.”

  “Does Paxton know that?” she asks, with a perplexed look on her face.

  “Yes, he does. And he, unlike all of you assholes, doesn’t have a problem with it. You can call him and get his permission if you need to.”

  “Seriously?” she asks, sounding pissed off.

  “Yes. Seriously.”

  “What the hell?” she asks herself, shaking her head.

  Elijah comes back into the room then; his long, dark hair is wet and he’s wearing a black t-shirt. He stands in front of me, holding out his hand. I take it and he pulls me up, slinging an arm around my waist and pulling me into him. His cologne is musky and I inhale his scent. “You ready?” he asks me.

  “Depends. Where are you taking me?”

  He gives me a crooked smile. “To the floor. I want to dance with you. What’s your name?”

  “Jessa,” I tell him.


  “I’m Elijah. It’s really fucking good to meet you.”

  I smile at him. I’m totally warming up to this guy. His hand slips from my waist and finds my fingers which he laces with his own. We walk toward the door and Elijah says, “See you assholes out there.” I don’t even look at Billy and Louis.

  Chills run over my skin as we hit the dark hallway. I feel like I haven’t touched or kissed a guy properly since before I became Dylan’s girlfriend and my body is ready. When we are back on the floor it’s chaos. The new guys on stage are just as heavy and loud as Elijah’s band. He brings me to the back corner of the floor and wraps me up in his arms. Talking is not an option in the middle of this noise which is fine with me. Elijah stares at me with his dark eyes and I relish in it. My arms are around his neck and I move my body against his. His hands slide down my back and then he pulls me into him and I can feel his erection pushed into my stomach. My fingers sink into his flesh and I give him a lazy smile.

  It doesn’t take long for his lips to find mine and when his tongue pushes into my mouth I let out a breath of relief. His mouth is warm and wet and I need this so badly. His kiss quickly becomes needy. My tongue tangles with his and it feels good. So much better than the last kiss I got. I mean, Elijah is no Paxton in the kissing department, but it’s clear he knows what he wants and is willing to take it and I can totally relate. I don’t usually dive right into making out before I even have a conversation with a guy, but Paxton’s friends have forced me into a desperate situation.

  Elijah flips me around and backs me into a wall, pulling out of my mouth. He looks at me like he wants to devour me. “Damn, you taste good,” he says before finding my mouth again. He’s got an arm propped over my head and his other hand is wrapped around my naked thigh. When his hand starts to push my dress up I stop him.

  Will I sleep with this guy? Eventually. Will it happen tonight? No. Will I let him touch me in the middle of a crowded room? Hell, no. I will kiss him but that’s all he’s getting from me tonight.

  Elijah’s hand moves back around my waist and he pushes into me, I can hear the feral sound escaping his mouth, even over the loud music. Which is a great sound. He’ll play this game with me. He’ll be patient and wait for the payoff that will eventually come if he plays nice.