Part of Me (Jessa & Paxton #1) Page 4

  I open the door and see a dainty little thing with big dimples and a fall of purple, green and blue hair sitting behind the wheel. “Get in,” she tells me.

  I do, with a smile. This girl is refreshing already. With no introductions made, Violet turns up the volume of her car stereo and The Go Go’s, We’ve Got the Beat, comes blaring out of the speakers. Violet starts bopping around and singing at the top of her lungs and I start laughing. Probably the most enjoyable seconds of my college life thus far.

  By the time we roll down Western Avenue and pull to a stop I’m yelling out the lyrics to Johnny Are You Queer? along with Violet.

  “Gotta let go with my girls before I can party properly,” she tells me. “I’m Violet.” She smiles and offers me her hand.

  “Jessa. Nice to meet you.”

  “You too,” she says, stepping out of the car.

  We walk into the dive bar and my skin prickles as it comes to life. I breathe in the non-sterilized room and feel myself grinning like a total fledgling idiot as I follow Violet who is making her way towards the bar like she owns the place. The girl can’t be more than 5’3 but her demeanor is that of a hulking badass. The bartender calls her by name and asks what she wants. She orders a gin and tonic, then looks to me. “I’ll have a vodka cranberry,” I say, trying to sound confident.

  “Can I see your i.d.?” the guy asks with furrowed eyebrows.

  “She’s a friend of Paxton’s,” Violet tells him.

  The guy narrows his eyes at me. “I’ve never seen her.”

  “She’s from Minnesota, from that town his mom sent him off to.”

  He smiles then. “How’s that asshole doing? Is he in town?”

  “Good,” I tell him, wondering… what the hell? “He’s in California, with his dad.”

  “Yeah? Good for him.” He turns away to go make our drinks.

  I turn my questioning eyes to Violet. “He’s gonna serve me… just because I know Paxton?”

  “He didn’t tell you a whole hell of a lot, did he?”

  “No.”

  She grabs our drinks off the bar and proceeds to a small booth in the back corner. She runs her eyes over me with a smirk on her face. “So what’s the deal with the two of you?” she asks me.

  “What does that mean? Are you asking if we hooked up?” I presume, based on the look she’s giving me.

  “Yep.”

  “No.”

  She raises her eyebrows at me like she doesn’t quite believe me.

  “What? We didn’t. What have you done with him?”

  Her mouth pops open like she’s shocked. “Ha! Me and Paxton. No, no, no. Let me explain something- Paxton is a man whore and I do not screw man whores. You’d do best to stay away too because screwing Paxton is the kiss of death. He won’t speak to you ever again.”

  A disbelieving laugh bursts out of my mouth. “Seriously? That’s what he was about?”

  She cocks her head and narrows her eyes at my response. “Yes, that’s what he’s about. I think at some point he was less of a womanizer. But I’m pretty sure that kid is long forgotten.”

  “Wow. I mean, I get the very vivid impression that he’s gotten his share of women since he left River Bluff, but when he was there I don’t think he touched anyone.”

  “Please, you are full of shit,” she laughs.

  “I’m serious. In fact, for a while he was in a contrived relationship with my best friend in order to avoid women all together.”

  “He slept with her.”

  “He did not.”

  Her eyebrows are up again.

  “Trust me. Emily was in love with someone else. Like, you know… the love of her life and all that good stuff.” I can’t help the way my face contorts into disgust.

  Violet laughs. “You are a cynical romantic.”

  “Cynical for sure. I don’t know about the romantic part. So how do you know Paxton and why did the bartender serve me because I know him?”

  “What has he told you about his life pre – refugee?”

  I shrug, not wanting to admit how little I actually know about him, especially since Violet clearly knows him very well. “He hates his mom and his stepdad and was excited to go live with his dad in California. He did something so shittastic that his mom felt the need to move him to Minnesota and pay him to stay away from Chicago.”

  Violet looks at me like she’s waiting for me to go on. “That’s it?” she finally asks.

  I shrug my shoulders. “He loves music and playing his guitar?”

  “Well, in that case I’m gonna let you ask Paxton about the bartender. As far as he and I go, I used to date a friend of his. And when that friend screwed both of us over like the professional asshole he is, we helped each other deal and we’ve been friends ever since.”

  “That sounds like Paxton. He’s pretty good at helping people out.”

  “Yeah, he can be. Not many people know that though. Around here Paxton is a legend for many reasons- his temper and his willingness to kick the shit out of anyone who looks at him sideways is definitely one of them.”

  I cock my head at her. Clearly the Paxton she knows and the Paxton I know are two different people.

  “Oh my god… what? No fighting in Minnesota either?” She throws her hands up in the air like this is a bad thing. “Tell me about this boy who visited your town. This virginal pacifist.”

  I roll my eyes at her. “It was obvious that he’s not a virginal pacifist, but he had decided before he got there that he wasn’t getting attached to anything or anyone in our town. That’s not the way it all worked out- he became really good friends with a lot of us- but apparently he managed to keep part of himself detached because I suddenly feel like I never really knew him at all.”

  She gives me a tight smile like she’s just got so much juicy information in her mouth and she’s doing her damndest to hold it all in.

  “It’s fine. I don’t need to know. Hopefully he’ll trust me enough to tell me one day,” I tell her but I’m annoyed and a little pissed. From the small amount I’ve gleamed from his current life in California I was already feeling like Paxton is not the guy I thought he was. Violet is making it very clear that that is correct. Not wanting to talk about your past is one thing, but acting like someone you’re not is different.

  “All you really need to know is that Paxton cares about you. I mean, he called me up and told me I had to offer you the spare room in my apartment in order to get you out of the dorm. That’s not something he would do for just anyone.”

  “Ha,” I laugh at her. “I’m sorry, that’s ridiculous. What did he think you were going to say, ‘yes, send the girl over and I’ll get her all set up’?”

  “Well, I did. I mean, you can come stay with me if you want to.”

  “What? Why would you agree to that? You don’t even know me. That’s insane.”

  She shrugs her shoulders. “It’s Paxton. I’d do just about anything for him. Plus, you seem totally normal and… I mean this is not really relevant… but he’s going to pay rent for me.”

  All I can do is shake my head at her. Before I can speak there is a man in my seat and one in Violet’s too. My guy immediately wraps his arm around me and when I look up at him I’m not offended. He’s got dark hair and pretty green eyes and a nice smile. “Who’s your friend, Violet?” he asks her.

  “This is Jessa. She’s a friend of Paxton’s. I’m looking out for her… for him.”

  The guy takes his arm off my shoulder and starts drumming his thumbs against the table. Everyone is suddenly silent and I’m dying to know what the drama, or respect, or whatever happens to people at this place when Paxton’s name is brought up, is about. The guy is leaned forward now, he turns his head and gives me a crooked smile, stopping his thumb drumming and offering me his hand. “I’m Billy.” He pauses and I feel like I should say, ‘Right, Billy. Paxton’s told me all about you.’ But of course I’ve never heard that name come out of Paxton’s mouth.

  “He’s a fri
end of Paxton’s. They know each other from around the bar,” Violet pipes in and Billy gives her a perplexed look to which she shrugs her shoulders. “I don’t know what the hell’s going on. Paxton didn’t talk about his past with her. Obviously, it’s for a reason. I’m not saying shit.”

  Billy laughs. “You his girl?” he asks me.

  “No. I’m his friend.”

  “Right,” he says like that’s completely unbelievable, just like Violet’s reaction. I’m over this conversation. All I really want to do is call Paxton and ream his ass for being such a walled off pussy.

  “I need to get out,” I tell Billy.

  He steps out and I already have my phone in hand. “She’s pissed,” the other guy in the booth says with a laugh.

  Hell yeah, I’m pissed.

  I head back through some dark hallway and past the bathrooms while dialing Paxton.

  “What’s up, beso?”

  “That’s a good fucking question, Paxton.”

  He lets out an amused laugh. “Already… with the mouth. What are you so worked up about, kid?”

  “I’m at a bar with Violet… thank you, by the way, for sending her to me… and I’m learning that, apparently, I know not one god damn thing about you. I’ve been here for ten minutes and so far I’ve been served alcohol simply because I know you, I was questioned and doubted by Violet because she just cannot believe that we are not screwing and that you didn’t bang your way through River Bluff. Then some guy named Billy, who is pretty damn good looking, took his arm and his sexy eyes off of me the minute Violet told him I was your friend.”

  “That motherfucker better back the hell off of you,” Paxton seethes.

  “I’m sorry… am I speaking to Chicago Paxton? I heard he’s notorious for kicking the shit out of people. If you wouldn’t mind putting my friend Minnesota Paxton on the phone I would like him to explain what the hell is happening.”

  “Seriously, Jessa, stay the hell away from Billy. You have no idea the depths he will stoop to in order to get laid. I know he’s got those pretty green eyes, but don’t fall for it.”

  “Focus, Pax. We are talking about you, not Billy. And, by the way, if I want to get laid by Billy, I will. Or actually, I won’t. Because I have been hit with the label of Paxton’s friend. Which gets me alcohol in bars, yay, but is also a v-block, boo. But that’s beside the point. Before I have to go back to that booth and look like an ignorant little girl, you better give me some info.”

  He takes a deep, annoyed, breath but then he says, “The bartender served you because, assuming you are at The bottle, I used to play there along with Billy and the bartender is a friend of mine. The bit about kicking the shit out of people… I had an anger problem for a few years. It’s a Chicago thing, not something that’s a part of me. Billy stopped groping you because, besides Violet, I don’t have friends that are females so he assumed we have something going on and, despite those eyes, he’s my brother so he’s just respecting what he thinks is mine.”

  “That’s lame, Paxton. I know you’re giving me the surface version. I know there’s more than that. Tell me about the, ‘man whore’, as Violet called you. Who’s that kid?”

  “Listen, Jess. You’re hanging out with a group of people from a very short, very isolated, piece of my past. Did you think I was a virgin?”

  “Yes, Paxton. I totally thought you didn’t even know the meaning of the word vagina. Obviously I didn’t think you were a virgin, but apparently it’s damn near unbelievable that, simply because I came within your line of vision, I didn’t get nailed by you.”

  “It was a different world then, with them. I know you’re feeling like you don’t know shit about me, but none of those people do. Who knows if I even know myself? The me, that you know- it’s who I am. The me, that they know- it’s part of who I am too. Forgive me for changing.”

  “Don’t wax poetic with me, Pax. The you, who they know, is clearly who you are because as far as I can tell, since the minute you left River Bluff, all you’ve done is party and get laid. Which is fine, I don’t give a shit, but don’t make me look like an asshole. I opened up to you- we all did. We all trusted you and let you in and so it’s a little disturbing to realize that that person who we… who I… thought gave a shit was not really a person at all but just a character that some pathological liar from Chicago invented.”

  “Jess, take a deep breath and fucking relax. You’re being dramatic. Here’s the deal; I obviously left some heavy shit in Chicago- you knew that. I was trying to get over it and move on which is why I didn’t talk about shit with any of you. Everything that happened there is a part of my past that I’m not gonna rehash with you because I don’t want to and I don’t have to. As far as what I’ve been doing in Venice… yeah, I drink and I get high and do whatever the hell I want because I can. I do whatever the hell makes me feel happy – that’s what I do here. Which is completely different than banging chicks and being strung out because it’s what’s expected, or you can’t deal, or you don’t know what you’re getting into, or you just need to escape. I don’t want to talk about Chicago with anyone, including you. It’s not personal.”

  “Fine, Pax… whatever. I don’t need to know the details. I’m just curious though, do I know you at all? That guy that I became so close to, that I considered my best friend, was he real?”

  He lets out a huff of breath. “Depending on where I am.”

  “Meaning?”

  “Meaning, yes, that’s who I was when I was there with you. But no, I don’t think it’s who I am now.”

  “You need to start a fortune cookie company because this confusing, backpedaling, riddle shit is priceless. You could make millions.”

  He laughs a real laugh, not an angry, bitter or sarcastic one now. “Seriously, beso, I miss you. And I’m sorry that you feel like you don’t know me. I gave you whatever I could.”

  “I know, Pax. Maybe I’ll run into you someday in the perfect place, at the perfect time and you will know who you are and you’ll be willing to show me.”

  “It’s possible,” he says sullenly. “Listen, kid, watch yourself, okay? Whoever Violet trusts, you can trust too, but stick tight with her. And… Billy’s a solid guy. If you need something he’ll help you out, but don’t try to get him drunk and screw him because if that happens I will come there and tear those pretty eyes right out of his head.”

  “You are a hypocritical, frustrating, evasive, strange and perplexing person. But I love you.”

  “I’ll talk to you soon, beso.”

  “Maybe. Or maybe I’m gonna run away with Billy so I can be with my true love and escape the wrath of the legendary Chicago Paxton.”

  “That’s not funny, kid.”

  “Bye, Paxton,” I say, hanging up the phone, feeling empty and confused, but smiling none the less.

  I make a quick stop in the bathroom then head back to the table where the guys are staring at me, but Violet has her phone up to her ear. “What was I supposed to say?” she says to the person on the phone which I assume, when she looks at me with big eyes and frustration on her face, is Paxton. “You could have given me a heads up. I mean, Jesus…nothing? Not one thing?... Okay, she’s coming back… I’ll talk to you later… Yeah, I got it… don’t worry, Paxton… Hi, Jessa. I gotta go.” She throws her phone across the table and then slaps the air in front of her like it’s his face. “Seriously, it’s my fault because he locked himself up in a box built for monks?” she asks no one in particular.

  “What the hell happened between the two of you?” the guy across the table asks.

  “Sorry… what’s your name?”

  “Oh, hey. I’m Louis.” The guy holds his fist out for me like I’m gonna bump it. Which I do, fireworks and all.

  “I don’t know,” I tell Louis. “Apparently his personality shifts depending on the time and place and he doesn’t want me to meet the kid that lived here. What’d he have to say to you?” I ask Violet.

  “Keep your fucking mouth shut, i
s what he had to say to me. Seriously, what the hell is going on between the two of you?”

  “Nothing,” I tell her, holding my hands up like she’s looking for evidence that I don’t have. “I swear to God.”

  “That’s what you think,” Billy mutters.

  I lay against the booth and take a deep breath because I have nothing to say. Apparently I’m just a puppet in Paxton’s world.

  Chapter 4 - Jessa

  Violet’s only been in my life for two weeks but she’s already making things tolerable. Fun even. At least while I’m with her, which I’m not at the moment. At the moment I’m in my room with Taylor. She was straight up acting like I didn’t exist for three days but she’s working for team Dylan so now when we run into each other I get speeches like the one I’m getting now.

  “It’s one night, Jessa. I don’t know why, but he’s still willing to work things out with you. In my opinion, after the way you humiliated him, he should have moved onto another girl. Which he could. Easily. Every girl in this dorm would love a shot with him. All he’s asking is for you to come out for one night. You owe it to him.”

  “The thing is, Taylor, I don’t owe it to him. We are not dating anymore, which means…. I don’t go on dates with him. I know you think he deserves whatever the hell he wants, but trust me when I say that if I give him one night it’s gonna make him believe that he and I are an option. Which we’re not. I know you don’t get it but I’m doing the kid a favor by breaking ties completely.”

  “He just wants to talk to you, Jessa. He just wants some closure.”

  “I pick up the phone every time he calls. I’ve explained to him multiple times why things between us are not gonna work. I’ve told him I’m sorry. I’ve told him he deserves better. I’ve told him to move on. I don’t know what else I can do besides find his dream girl and present her on a silver platter.”

  “I just don’t get it,” she says, arms crossed over her chest, lips puckered, shaking her head at me. “He could literally have any girl he wants. Why does he only want you?”