Inside of You (Jessa & Paxton #2) Read online

  “Are you gonna come talk to me and tell me what the hell is going on?” he asks, his voice no longer angry, but sad.

  I walk to the bed and sit down next to him, fighting the urge to curl up next to his body. “You should know what’s going on.”

  “Vi told me you’re not coming back to Chicago so, no, Jessa, I have no idea what the hell is going on.”

  “I can’t be with someone who forgets about me the minute I step out of their life, Pax. I can’t even come home for a week without everything falling apart which I can’t help but assume means there was never anything there to begin with.”

  “You left me, Jess,” he says quietly. “You were the one who picked up and left me. Why is it my job to call you every five seconds? You couldn’t pick up the phone – let me know you were thinking of me?”

  “I did, Pax. I called you as soon as I had a chance that first night I left you. It took you seventeen hours to call me back. You tell me I have to have my phone on me, that I have to be available every second that you need me, but when I need you it’s okay to blow me off and then make me feel like I did something wrong? You need to face reality, Pax, and realize that you don’t give a shit. I went to bed that night, alone, having not talked to you at all. It hurt, it was painful. For me. Not for you. I didn’t even cross your mind.”

  “You’re right. That was me. That was my fault. And I’m sorry, kid. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You don’t understand what that shit does to me. I lose all sense of time. I was just playing with the guys, writing songs and forgetting about the pain and I didn’t know… I didn’t know it had been that long. But if that’s all it took for you to give up on me, then I think it’s you who needs to face reality. You were already gone. I know how your head works, Jess. I know you were already backing away before you left town. That you left me with the intention of trying to forget about me. If all it takes is a lack of phone calls for you to call this off, then it’s you who never gave a shit because there is nothing you could do to me that would make me give up on you. That would make me stop fighting for you.”

  “You are full of shit, Paxton. Is that what you were doing all week – fighting for me, for us? Trying to hold us together?”

  “No, I wasn’t,” he tells me, his tone angry now. “My head was fucked up. I didn’t get it – that I was supposed to be fighting for you. I didn’t get that you were letting us go. I was just trying to get by- to get through the show and get through my days without you - until you came back to me and shit would go back to normal. I did not fucking realize that you weren’t planning on coming back at all.”

  There is a knock on my door before it opens. My mom is standing in it, looking nervously at me and Pax.

  “What’s up, mom?” I ask her.

  “Dean and I would prefer that you and Paxton not hang out in your room, alone. Why don’t you come downstairs?”

  “He hangs out in my room all the time.”

  “Yes, well, we are no longer comfortable with it.”

  “Well I’m exhausted and I want to sleep, so I’m not leaving this bed. If you need Paxton to go… whatever. You can kick him out.”

  “That’s probably a good idea,” she agrees and my chest tightens. I don’t want him to leave my bed. “You are probably tired, too,” she says to Paxton. “You were driving all night. You probably want to go home and get some rest.”

  “Actually, Mrs. Fairfield, I had a little falling out with my mom and so I’m not welcome at my uncles. I’m just going to be crashing in my car until I head out of town.”

  Mom’s face turns to concern, “You can’t sleep in your car. We have plenty of extra room here. You can stay in one of the spare rooms.” I have to stop myself from rolling my eyes. She’s so gullible. Paxton’s uncle likes Rachel about as much as Pax does. He would never turn Paxton away.

  “Really? I mean, I don’t want to put you out, but if you’re sure it’s okay, it would be great to have a bed to sleep in. I am exhausted from the drive.”

  “Of course, Paxton, you’re always welcome here,” she tells him with a timid smile. “I’ll just get the bed made up. It’s been a while since we’ve had guests.”

  “Don’t bother, Mrs. Fairfield, I don’t mind.”

  “It’s no bother,” she tells him, leaving us in my bed, the door wide open.

  “Nice, Pax,” I tell him trying to sound disappointed, but I can’t help but laugh. “You are such a good liar.”

  “I’m not leaving you. If I have to lie to your sweet mother in order to stay here with you, I will. But I’m not a liar.”

  “Whatever,” I tell him, climbing under my sheets. “I’m not gonna fight with you. Let me take a nap and we’ll start again in a couple of hours.” He climbs under the sheets with me and turns me around, pulling me back to him. “What the hell are you doing? Didn’t you hear her – go get in your own bed.”

  “No, beso, I’m sleeping with you.”

  “Like she’s going to let that happen.”

  “Like she isn’t. She already made one demand today. She doesn’t have it in her to do it again. Go to sleep, beso.”

  He’s right about my mom. She’s not going to come in here and kick him out. Even though he’s under my sheets. Even though he’s got me wrapped up in his arms and his boner pressing on my ass. Shit. I am so exhausted, but his arms on my body, his breaths on my neck, his scent covering me… I don’t think I’m going to be able to sleep. I can’t believe he is here… in my bed… with me.

  I lay there until Paxton’s breaths become heavy, until his arm wrapped around me goes completely limp. Until his relaxed body is no longer pushing into me. I close my eyes and try not to think about anything. Now that I am with him again, back in his arms, I know it’s the only place I belong. But I’m not gonna just forgive him and let him back in. I can’t just do that. I have to stay strong. With him is the only place I want to be, but he’s got some serious explaining and groveling to do.

  Chapter 15 - Paxton

  The bed smells like Jessa. Not like us, like our bed at home, but only like her. I like it. It reminds me of who we used to be. How tight we were, even before we fell in love. It feels like the slate’s being cleaned, like I’m starting over with her. I don’t mind being back here. Away from everything. Here, there is only one thing – Jessa. Jessa in the middle of the open land the clean air.

  I hold her sleeping body closer and bury my face in her hair. As soon as she stepped foot back into the kitchen where I was sitting with Lydia and Dean, my body started waking up and the contrast between life without her and life with her became overwhelmingly clear. Nothing had ever looked as good as Jessa stepping through that door in all of her imperfect, just rolled out of bed, glory.

  And somehow I managed to weasel my way into her bed. I am their house guest. I laugh at that. Even if Jessa keeps this cold shit up, this is gonna be fun.

  Jessa’s body starts to twitch like she’s coming out of a dream, like she’s about to wake up. Carefully, I unbutton and unzip her jeans, forcing my fingers under her panties. I reach my other arm, the one she’s laying on, down her tank and under her bra, cupping her breast in my hand, running my thumb over her nipple.

  She’s gonna keep forcing me off her, or she’s gonna keep telling me I can fuck her but it won’t mean anything. But I know my girl and I know how much she likes to get off as soon as she wakes up so I’m going to get a jump start on the process. I don’t know what’s going on with her, but I know she’s not done with me. She’s not done with this. This is too good to quit. And if she forgot, I’m gonna remind her.

  I push my hand down into her tight jeans until my middle finger runs through her slick folds. Fuck, she feels good; warm and wet and I want her so bad. I haven’t felt this for too long. She lets out a quiet moan and pushes her ass into me. I don’t know if she is fully awake and I don’t care. I push my body up on hers, gaining leverage so I can get my fingers inside of her. “Umm,” she moans and then her body jolts with realization.
“Shit, Pax, what are you doing?” she breaths.

  “I’m putting my fingers inside of you,” I murmur into her ear, licking it, sucking on it, pinching her nipple, moving my fingers as far as I can inside of her. “Take your pants off, beso, so I can get you off properly.”

  “No, Pax,” she whispers, but she’s pushing down on me, forcing herself down on my fingers.

  I pull out of her and flip her on her back, looking at her lust-filled eyes. I move my hands down her legs until her pants are no longer on her.

  “Pax, the door is wide open,” she mumbles.

  I lay back down behind her and cover her back up. “Then you better be quiet when I make you come,” I tell her, pressing my fingers back into her.

  “Pax… no,” she tells me, but my fingers are working her over and I can already feel her muscles clamping down on me.

  “Don’t scream,” I tell her.

  “Fuck,” she says, giving up her fight, moving her hands to my wrist and pushing me father into her.

  “That’s my girl,” I tell her, pressing my fingers harder into her soft, wet walls.

  Her hands move from my wrists and she grabs a hold of her pillow, burying her face in it.

  “The pillows not working beso, I can hear you moaning,” I tell her, pushing my hand deep into her, rubbing her exactly where I know she needs to be rubbed, bringing her to the edge. Her shoulders are lifting and falling with the effort of keeping herself under control. “You are so wet. I want inside of you so bad,” I tell her and in response I get a frustrated cry. She starts thrusting her hips down on my hand and I pull her tighter into me, rubbing her out like I’m inside of her. Her moans become painful, her contractions are hard and fast. She lets out one long cry into her pillow and then I feel her come around my fingers. Her tense body goes limp and she keeps her head buried in her pillow. “Asshole,” she mutters.

  I pull out of her, laughing at her stubborn ass. “You’re mine, Jessa. It’s my job to make you come. I’m not an asshole, I’m just doing my job,” I tell her, laying on my back, wondering what it’s gonna take to get her hands, or mouth, or pussy on me. I’m in fucking pain.

  “Jessa?” a tentative voice asks from the doorway. I glance over at Jessa whose shoulder is gleaming with moisture and whose head is still buried in the pillow. She turns her body and says, “Yeah, mom.”

  “Are you awake?”

  “Obviously. I’m talking to you.”

  “Okay, well lunch is ready. You and Paxton need to come eat.”

  “Yeah, okay,” she says sitting up and stretching her arms like she’s just waking. “Just give me a minute to wake up and we’ll be down.”

  “Okay,” Lydia says with concern in her voice.

  “Jesus, Paxton,” Jessa says, shoving her hands into my shoulders. “If she would have walked in here while your fingers were buried inside of me I would have been scarred for life.”

  “Good thing I’m efficient at getting you off,” I tell her.

  She grabs a hold of my face and looks like she’s gonna spit on me or bite me, but she just holds hard to me before pushing my head back into my pillow. She steps out of bed and fishes her jeans and panties out from under the comforter and then steps back into them. “Are you coming to lunch?” she asks me with an overly produced smile on her face.

  “I’m fucking hard as metal. I don’t think I can even stand up. You’re going to have to do something about it before I go have lunch with you mom.”

  “Ha,” she laughs. “That’s not happening. You can go snap one off in the bathroom.”

  I manage to get up on my knees, reaching over and grabbing her arm, pulling her down to me. “That’s the good thing about having you around, I don’t have to snap one off. That’s your job.”

  “It’s not my job, Pax. Things between us aren’t where you think they are. You and I have some serious shit to discuss before I let you back in,” she says pushing off my chest and backing out of the bed, heading towards the door.

  I get out and make my way to her, grabbing a hold of her waist before she gets to the door. I grab her hand and wrap it around my cock that is practically tearing a hole in my jeans. “You need to take care of this. It’s been six fucking days since I’ve been inside of you and I’m not waiting anymore.”

  She wraps her fingers tightly around me and lets out a small moan that I know she doesn’t want to let me hear, but she wants me, just as badly as I want her. “It hurts, beso. I need inside of you,” I tell her with desperation because if she doesn’t mount me in the next five seconds I’m going to combust. I take the liberty of undoing my jeans and pulling my hard on out of my boxer briefs. I take her hand and wrap it around my flesh, letting out a muttered growl at the feel of her hand on me. “Please, beso,” I beg her.

  “Shit,” she says, using her hand that is not wrapped around me to shut the door and lock it. She pushes me over the chair in the corner of her room until I’m sitting on it, my dick as erect as it’s ever been. She makes quick work of getting her jeans off. “You’ve got about two minutes before she’s gonna be back here,” she tells me, climbing on me and sliding her panties to the side.

  “It’s gonna take about ten seconds once you get that pussy on me,” I tell her, staring at her fingers that are pulling her panties to the side, exposing her pink flesh.

  “Did you put your dick in anyone while I was away?”

  My eyes flash to hers and my head retracts. “What the fuck? Hell, no. You are fucking crazy.”

  She raises her eyebrow at me, but then she sinks her wet insides down on me and we both mutter obscenities at the way I feel inside of her. Jessa puts her hands behind her on my thighs and starts riding me, pumping her body into me with force and speed and I could come now, but I don’t want this to end. I grab a hold of her hips and close my eyes, trying to keep all the shit that wants to explode out of my mouth buried.

  I open my eyes and look at Jessa, hers are closed tight and she’s biting her bottom lip. She’s fucking me hard and it’s a beautiful thing to watch. Her mouth pops open then and her face looks anguished as her thrusts turn to wide circles and she starts to pant with the effort of keeping herself under control.

  We’re only a couple of minutes into this and already, I can’t hold on any longer. I grab her hips and pull her down on me hard. My head rolls and I need to scream. “Fuck,” I yell out, not able to keep it in when I come hard inside of her.

  “Ahhh,” she cries loudly as she comes apart around me.

  My head is spinning with the ecstasy that I can only get from Jessa. My body is weak and I feel like everything inside of me drained out with my release. Jessa’s hands are propped on my shoulders and she is still panting. Her eyes look drunk.

  “Jessa?” I hear a concerned voice calling from somewhere outside the door.

  “Shit,” she says, climbing off me, fumbling back into her jeans. She looks at me, “Put your dick away, Pax,” she says, going to the door and unlocking it before opening it. I get my pants buttoned back up and almost pass out as I stand.

  “Are you okay?” I hear Lydia asking from the hall.

  “Yeah, I just banged my toe on the corner of the bed.”

  I laugh to myself before heading out into the hall. I head down the steps and into the kitchen where Jess and her mom are sitting and I join them. “Where’s Dean?” I ask.

  “It’s tax season,” Lydia tells me, “he works most Saturdays and sometimes Sundays in March.”

  “Huh,” I say, staring at Lydia. Sometimes it freaks me out that this woman is Jessa’s mom. They couldn’t be more different. Lydia is meek and drab and has no sense of humor. She’s a total people pleaser. I’ve maybe seen her smile a handful of times. I’d love to meet Jessa’s dad - he must be one loud-mouthed, stubborn, sarcastic motherfucker. I smile to myself as I dig into the tuna casserole on my plate. Saturday lunch is always tuna casserole. Lydia’s routine is set in stone and unbreakable. I don’t know how Jessa functioned in this house. “It mus
t really throw off the routine when Dean works on Saturdays.”

  Lydia shrugs her shoulders and gives me an uncomfortable smile.

  “So what are we doing tonight, Jessa – last night in town and all,” I say, wondering if she is really planning on staying here.

  She flares her nostrils at me and tenses her jaw before tuning to Lydia. “So mom,” she says casually, “I talked to my advisor yesterday and I’m thinking about taking an extension on my classes so I can stay home for a little while.”

  Lydia turns to Jessa and sets down her fork, dabbing her mouth with her cloth napkin. “What? Why would you do that?”

  “It’s no big deal, people do it all the time. I’ll finish up my course work over the summer. There are only two months left of school so it won’t be that big of a deal.”

  Lydia cocks her head at her daughter and my leg starts to bounce off the wood floor. Jessa is seriously doing this. “Why don’t you want to go back to school?” Lydia asks.

  “It’s not that I don’t want to go back, but Natalie needs me around to help her with the wedding and I thought I could save up some cash, get a job at the diner or whatever. When I head back I’ll be able to get my classes finished up in half the time so you know… I’ll save some money or whatever,” she says without enthusiasm, making this bullshit up on the fly.

  “If you’re worried about money you just have to ask. You can’t just stop going to school. You can’t just give up your future. What are you going to do, be a waitress for the rest of your life? You have to get a good job so you can support yourself. So that you can be independent,” Lydia tells her sounding about a hundred times more emotional than I’ve ever heard her.

  “You don’t have to worry about that. You know that, mom. You think I want to end up like you – stuck in this house with no life to speak of?”

  Lydia’s eyes open wide as she looks at Jessa with pain on her face.

  Jessa closes her eyes and shakes her head. “Sorry… I’m sorry Mom. I didn’t mean that. It’s just, I’m not like you. I know you and Dean are happy. I just… this isn’t the life I want.”