Part of Me (Jessa & Paxton #1) Page 8

  But then I feel the wind being knocked out of me because, twelve feet in front of me is Jessa in nothing more than a skimpy t-shirt and a pair of panties, her hair looking like she spent the night rolling around in bed, mascara smeared under eyes, the remnants of red lipstick clinging to her lips. Looking at her breaks my heart because, god damn it, she’s the sexiest thing I have ever seen.

  But there is a hand clinging to her ass and that hand belongs to Elijah who is shirtless and looking like he’s going in for the kill.

  When Jessa sees me she flies off the couch and her face lights up. But all I can feel are the memories of a similar situation that tore me in shreds and ultimately sent me packing. I can’t even look at her. Instead, I look at Elijah. “Hey, Paxton,” he says, leaning against the couch, tossing an arm over the back like he owns the place.

  “Get the hell out of here, Elijah.”

  He recoils and gives me a look of confusion like the dumbass that he is. “Calm down man, I didn’t know it was like that with the two of you.” He stands and grabs his shirt off the floor before going to Jessa. He looks at her, but she’s staring at me. She shrugs her shoulders at him as if to say she doesn’t know what’s going on, but those turquoise eyes never leave mine. “I’ll talk to you later,” he says, leaning in and kissing her on the check.

  “Bye,” she mutters.

  He walks out the door and I slam it shut.

  Jessa takes a step towards me, looking like a deer in the headlights. She stops and blinks hard and when her eyes open again she no longer looks disoriented. “You’re here. Holy shit.” She takes another step forward and then freezes.

  “Looks like you’re managing okay without me.”

  “Is that a problem for you? Me messing around with one of your friends?” she asks, sincerely.

  “Elijah is not a friend. He was just some rat who followed us around picking up our scraps. Looks like he’s still doing the same thing.” Elijah used to be a friend. That is until sides had to be chosen and he chose the wrong one.

  She nods her head at me. “What the hell are you doing here anyway?”

  I give her my biggest, toothiest grin. “No hello, I missed you, I’m happy to see you?”

  “Hello. I missed you. I’m happy to see you. What the hell are you doing here?”

  “I have some shit to take care of. It’s temporary.”

  “How long… ‘til you have to go again?”

  “Why, do you want me to stay?” I ask with sarcasm in my voice but I need to know.

  “Well, yeah. Of course I want you to stay. I did miss you. And I’m anxious to get to know the guy I consider one of my best friends, because apparently he’s nothing more than a stranger.”

  Her best friend. I hate it when she calls me her best friend. My nostrils flare and I stare her down. “There’s nothing to know, kid. I’ll be gone again and someone new before we even have a chance to scratch the surface,” I tell her bitterly.

  “That’s great. You’re such a mysterious badass. Good for you.”

  “I just walked in the door. You want to give me a minute before you start ragging on me?” The girl is so infuriating. That damn mouth on her. I turn and head to my old bedroom. I thought it might be a plus, being in the same room with her, but now all I can think about is what she did in there with Elijah and all I want to do is rip the mattress off the bed and burn it.

  And then I walk into the room and see her bed all nice and neat and my bed a rumpled, rolled around in mess. “Jessa,” I yell, borderline scream.

  “What?”

  “Get in here.”

  “Seriously, Paxton, I’m gonna put up with this attitude for about two more seconds before I slap you,” she tells me while walking into the room.

  “Why is your shit all over my side of the room?” I ask her, looking at the clothes discarded on the floor by the bed and her phone and random personal items on my bedside table.

  “Your side of the room? Are you planning on moving in here with me?” she asks, being a smartass, fucking with me. But I’m in no mood for playful banter.

  “Feel free to move out if you’re not good with the arrangement. I’m the one paying the rent on this place.”

  “Paxton,” she says quietly and I don’t want to, but I look at her. She looks confused and a little wounded and I know I’m being irrational and a total ass. She’s right, the guy she thought she knew isn’t the real me, no matter how many times I tell myself it was. I was nothing more than her friend. The guy she knew might be able to pretend that her hooking up with some guy in his bed was cool… but hell, no. “Seriously, you’re freaking me out. Why are you being such an asshole? Are you mad at me about something?”

  I let out a breath and the road weary me suddenly takes over my body. I shake my head, can’t think of words. I pull my t-shirt off my body and lay my ass down in the bed, grabbing her hand on my way and pulling her next to me, settling my arm under her. “It’s just this city, Jess. It brings back bad memories and puts me on the defensive. I really didn’t want to come back here.”

  “So why did you?” she asks me.

  “Why’d you choose this bed, Jess? Was it because you knew I had slept here? You just couldn’t resist sleeping on my dirty sheets?”

  “Oh god,” she says, sounding horrified. “I didn’t even think about that- all the women you’ve slept with in this thing.”

  She tries to pull out of my arm, but I hold onto her. “Relax. This is my bed, that one over there; that’s the one you want to stay away from.”

  “Jesus, Pax. And now you’re going to move back in here? I’m not taking the dirty deed bed. That’s yours now. You’re going to have to do your sleeping and your sexing in the same place. Ah, hell, you wouldn’t do that to me. You wouldn’t bring a girl home and screw her in the same room as me.”

  I smile to myself. God, I missed this girl. “We’ll figure something out, don’t worry about it, kid.”

  “Maybe Violet will switch rooms with you,” she ponders.

  “No,” I tell her. She’s staying in here with me. “I’m your roommate. Get used to it.”

  “Okay,” she says sounding confused.

  “You never answered my question.”

  “Huh?”

  “Why’d you pick my bed instead of the pretty one over there?”

  “Because I liked the ambiance. And plus, Pax, I missed you and this is the bed that smells like you.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. I’m glad you’re back. I don’t like all this crappy attitude though.”

  “You’re going to have to get used to it. I can’t be anyone else here.”

  “What are you gonna tell me, Pax? Are you going to tell me anything?”

  “Maybe. Not now though. I’m too tired right now. Just lay here with me, beso.”

  “Yeah. Okay,” she tells me. She sits up to kneel on the bed and yanks the comforter out from under me before laying back down and covering us up.

  “You should let me stay here with you in this bed. I like this,” I tell her, closing my eyes.

  “It can’t be that bad over in sin city, can it? You scared of what kinds of STDs are festering?”

  “Just let me stay here, Jess,” I tell her, feeling the weariness take over my body. I pull Jessa tighter into my side then bury my right hand in her messy, sexy hair. I feel myself falling into sleep almost immediately. “Did you fuck Elijah?” I whisper.

  “No,” she whispers back.

  “Was he in this bed?”

  “No.”

  With that beautiful thought in my head, I give into the sleep.

  #

  When I wake up it’s dark outside. When I realize I’m in a bed in Chicago my heart starts racing and dread comes over my body. Then I realize Jessa is no longer tucked into my arm and I sink lower.

  I stand and head out of the room. Vi is in the kitchen mixing a drink. When she sees me a smile comes over her face and then she runs over to me, hopping into my arms like a bu
nny. “Paxton!” she screeches.

  “Hey, Vi,” I tell her, smiling at her enthusiastic greeting.

  She jumps down then and puts her hands on her hips, smiling up at me. “When Jessa told me you were back I didn’t believe it. But there you were sleeping like a little baby in the bed.”

  “Where is Jessa?” I ask her, keeping my voice even.

  “She’s just in the shower, don’t worry. Go sit on the couch, I’ll get you a beer.”

  “Yeah,” I tell her, doing what she says. As I wait I hear the door to our bedroom close – proof that, yes, Jessa is still here with me. I shake my head at the sense of relief that sound sends through my body.

  Violet comes back over with her drink and my beer and curls up on the couch next to me. “So, Jessa said you had some business to take care of?” she asks, cocking an eyebrow at me.

  “Don’t start with me, Vi,” I tell her. She knows why I’m here.

  “She said you’re staying in bed with her.”

  “Yeah, I am.”

  “As her friend?”

  “I would assume so. I interrupted her and Elijah on the couch when I walked in this morning. Why was he here?”

  “You know what – you’re home now, I missed you, I know you’re not going to stay forever and I refuse to argue with you while I have you so I’m not gonna talk about any of that with you because I swear to God, Pax, I will snap. You…are not cool,” she says, her face growing tense.

  I laugh at her visually strained attempt at temper control. “Vi, babe, take a breath. I’m not gonna fight with you. We don’t gotta talk about it. I appreciate you taking care of her for me, okay? That’s it.”

  She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. When she opens her eyes again she’s smiling. “I like her, Pax. I mean I really, really like her. Besides that one issue… concerning you… it’s been fun having her around.”

  “Yeah, she’s pretty great,” I admit.

  “So we’re all living together for a while?”

  “Yep.”

  “Am I like the old mom and you two are my bratty little kids that I have to take care of?” she smirks at me.

  “You’re twenty three, Vi. That’s way too young to mother a nineteen and twenty year old.”

  “Twenty four, Pax. You missed my birthday.”

  “Shit. Yeah, I guess I did. I’ll make it up to you.”

  “Awesome,” she says with a big smile. “You can buy me a drink tonight.”

  I scowl at her. “I would love to babe, but you know that’s not an option.”

  “What are you gonna do? Stay locked up in this apartment the whole time you’re here?” Violet asks me like she’s disappointed. But she knows I need to lay low. Chicago is a big city, but Glencoe is small and if anyone from that town happens to see me word will spread quickly.

  “Drop it, Violet. I don’t have a choice.”

  She lets out a frustrated sigh and takes a swig of her drink. “We’ll stay home then. I’m not going out without you.”

  “Sounds like fun,” I tell her, watching her squirm. The girl has too much energy to be trapped in this apartment all night and I know it as well as she does. Plus she’s all done up and in her party clothes.

  “Maybe Jessa and I will just go out for an hour or so then we’ll come home and hang out with you.”

  “Yep,” I sneer. I don’t like the idea of Jessa going out. I don’t like the idea of her being around Elijah. I haven’t had any time with her seeing how I slept the entire day and most of the night away. I shouldn’t have done that. I need a minute with her. I need to talk to her.

  I hear the door of our room open and I look to the hallway. Every muscle in my body flexes. “Why are you all dressed up?” I say with acid in my voice. Her perfect, soft, grabable hair is in loose curls, hanging over her naked chest and the tight black fabric over her tits. Her dress is hugging her body and every curve is pronounced like a neon sign. At the moment, she’s bare footed and there is something about that that is making all of my possessive instincts flare.

  She scrunches her perfect little button nose at me, looking down at her body. “It’s just a dress, Pax. I wear them all the time.” Her eyes run over my naked torso and I can feel it, like her hands are all over me. “Are you getting dressed or are there specific rules in this town that only apply to you: no shirt, no shoes, no service… unless you are Paxton Alvarado, king of Chicago.”

  “Just waiting ‘til the room was free, kid,” I tell her, standing up, no longer giving a shit if word of my presence in this state makes its way back to Rachel. I walk to Jessa, staring at her eyes for a few intense seconds, and then I walk away from her.

  I throw on a t-shirt and a hoodie and try to talk some sense into myself. I should not be doing this. I should not be putting my dad’s lifeline at risk just because Jessa is too damn gorgeous for any man in his right mind to resist. But my internal thoughts, rational as they are, are bad at fucking persuasion.

  #

  I pull my hood over my head and grab onto Jessa’s waist as we follow Violet into the bar. I keep my head ducked but I’m a foot through the door when I hear people shouting my name. Jessa hesitates and I have to push her to get her to the back corner where I know my past is waiting. But it’s where I have to go in order to get those assholes to shut the hell up and stop shouting my name.

  Billy, Louis and Jimmy are all out of the booth and waiting for me by the time we reach them.

  “Holy shit, you’re back,” Billy says, extending his hand which I slap before he pulls me into a one armed hug. Louis and Jimmy are quick to follow and by the time the reacquainting is done, Jessa is out of my arm and seated in the booth next to Violet. I slide in beside her before Billy can.

  “What’ve you been up to, man? When I heard you were in Cali I figured I’d never see you again,” Billy says from the other side of the booth.

  I’m not gonna answer that question. “It’s good to see you guys,” I tell him. “But man, being back here… shit - it’s tense. I didn’t really miss it.” And that’s the truth. Especially here in this bar. I feel tense and uncomfortable. My hands are wringing each other and my leg is bouncing off the floor and I can’t stop it.

  “Things ain’t the same since you’ve been gone. That’s for damn sure. I missed all the drama,” he tells me.

  I narrow my eyes at him and flare my nostrils. I can’t help it. I don’t want to talk about any of that shit. “Don’t even start,” I tell him. “I shouldn’t even be here. At this bar.”

  “Your mom still trying to keep you away?” Louis asks. I know they are just concerned but I don’t want to talk about this shit.

  “I gotta assume so.”

  “All I know is I’m glad to be relieved of my duties,” Billy says, glancing at Jessa who is talking with Violet and Jimmy, hopefully not listening to this shit.

  I nod my head at him, telling him I appreciate it.

  “Hell, I don’t even know what to say to you, man,” Billy says, shaking his head. “You ever think about picking up your phone and checking in with me?”

  When Rachel sent me away it was sans phone. I picked a new one up on the way out of town but I didn’t bother to touch base with anyone here. I really wanted all of this shit to just disappear. I cannot believe I’m here. “I’m sorry about that, man. I was being dodgy. It was wrong.”

  “Yeah, well I figured when this one sauntered into town,” his eyes turn to Jessa again, “your sorry ass would show up eventually.”

  “I guess you know me better than I know myself,” I tell him. “Coming back here was never part of the plan. Fuck, I really shouldn’t be here, man.” I shake my head and turn my eyes from Billy. It’s hitting me- being in this booth where I’ve sat a hundred times, with Billy and Louis across from me, just like they are now.

  My heart is pounding in my chest and my leg is mimicking the pounding as my foot hammers against the floor. And then I feel Jessa’s hand wrap around my thigh. My head snaps in her direction. “
Hey,” she whispers. “I’s okay. She’s not going to find out you’re here.”

  I take a deep breath and wrap my arm around her. My leg slowly stops moving. “It’s just surreal, being back here. I don’t know that I even give a shit if word gets back to Rachel.”

  Jessa leans her cheek on my chest. She really doesn’t have a choice- my arm is wrapped around her so tightly. I can smell her hair and I tuck my hand around a piece of it. “What are you so worried about then? I can hear you heart beating, Pax. Why is it beating so hard?”

  I close my eyes and inhale her scent. “It’s just hard being back here, in this bar. It’s where everything started and where everything ended.”

  “I’m sorry, babe,” she says quietly, settling into my side. She removes her hand from my thigh now that my leg is no longer shaking and wraps it around my stomach. “We should have just stayed home tonight,” she tells me and it sounds so good. I like it. We should have just stayed home tonight. But I know that I shouldn’t like it. Coming back here just brings back all the shit I hate about life. About myself. And it also makes it so bloody clear that I want Jessa. That I want more from her than just a quick fuck. This town. I swear. I’m always so weak and vulnerable here. Like my heart is just out in the open, totally exposed.

  “I probably won’t be doing this again.”

  “I don’t get it, Pax. Everyone I meet here seems to know and respect and care about you, but you act like everything here is so awful… like the city itself is poison.”

  “The city is poison. If it weren’t for the good people here I wouldn’t have made it out of it.”

  Jessa lays silently on my chest. The rest of the crew has made their way onto the dance floor. Vi and the boys are jumping around in the space in front of the stage that suggests a dance floor. I look at the band and remember being on that stage. It’s a new band, one I don’t know. They look young and happy. I remember that. I remember how good it felt to be up on that stage feeding off the energy, releasing everything that was inside of me. I throw back my drink and I can feel the alcohol swim through my veins and the heat from Jessa warming my body, the good memories of this place coming back to me, and it almost feels okay.