Inside of You (Jessa & Paxton #2) Read online

  I just hope she gets the hell out of town like yesterday because I don’t like what her, in my space, does to Jessa. But she’s not a quitter. She will keep showing her face until she finds some other fool to leach onto. But hell, Jess knows it all now. There is nothing left to tell. Fucking strange. I’ve never told everything to anyone. But then again it’s strange that she wouldn’t know every sordid detail of my past. I’m not planning on letting her go ever so she’s gonna cross paths with everything eventually.

  I look down at her washed in the pale sunlight coming into our room. This I like. This I love – watching her sleep. Especially after a night like the one we had. I wore her out until she passed out on my chest. Her lips are red and puffy from all the work they did. Her hair is a knotted, frantic mess. But she still looks like an angel in her peaceful sleep. An angel that’s been doing all kinds of naughty things. Shit. I tear my eyes away from her ‘cause I gotta get out of bed. It’s eleven o’clock and I gotta meet the guys at our rehearsal space.

  I pull my jeans on and head out to the kitchen to make some coffee. Vi’s at the counter working on a crossword puzzle and the coffee pot is full. “I love you, Vi,” I tell her as I grab a mug and fill it up.

  “It’s about time one of you came out of that room. I’ve been sitting here since eight o’clock just waiting to make sure that you were both gonna walk out of there happy. Can you believe that bitch is back in town?”

  “Yeah, I can,” I tell her, taking a seat by her at the counter.

  “You’re right. Of course she’s back. I knew there was something bad about putting Polly back together. She’s like a bloodhound sniffing out opportunity. I really hate that girl, Pax.”

  “I’m with you, Vi.”

  “How did Jessa handle it?”

  “Not so well thanks to people like you telling her Stella broke my heart. Her over active imagination was inventing all kinds of stupid shit.”

  Violet gives me a tight smile before saying, “It was a little intense Pax – your little reunion with her.”

  I shake my head at that. “Is this a female thing? Seeing shit that don’t exist?”

  “All I’m saying is I don’t blame her. But I mean, it was mostly Stella with her, ‘I missed you’ and ‘don’t make me go’.”

  “Mostly?” I ask. Which I shouldn’t do. I already had this convo with the only person who matters as far as Stella’s concerned. I mean, Vi matters too where Stella’s concerned seeing how she was dating Vincent when he was fucking Stella.

  “Yeah, mostly. You were a little too wrapped up in her.”

  “I don’t know what the hell that means but I’m gonna assume it means slightly shocked and completely disturbed.”

  “That’s not what it means but I won’t push it. You just better keep her out of your life. You should have seen her after you took off… she was trying to work her charm on every guy in that room and Billy, of all people, was playing Mr. Nice Guy with her. You might want to check in with your boy because when the rest of us got the hell away from her, he hung back.”

  “He’s not that stupid,” I mutter. The girl can do whatever she wants to, but if Billy ever went there with her it would be the end of anything I have with him. Betrayal, no doubt.

  “Let’s hope not. Just, seriously Pax, don’t get caught up in her games.”

  “You’re getting way too hopped up on nothing, Vi. What the hell does she matter? Just stop talking about her, you know? Just shut the hell up, especially to my girl. She don’t need to be conversing with you about all or your psychotic takes on the situation.”

  “Yeah, Pax. Fine. I just… I know you’re just gonna flip on me but I have to say it – you found, like seriously, the best girl in the world and you guys are both a million times better now that you have each other. And I love her. And I love you. And you better not even look Stella’s way if she shows up again – which you know is going to happen. If anything ever comes between you and Jessa my heart will shatter. Honestly.”

  “Mine too, Vi. Mine too. I can’t live without my baby and I will never let her go. So sit back and relax. I got this.”

  “You think you do but it’s Stella, Pax. Don’t forget that. She is low down and dirty.”

  “If Jess has too, she can handle her.”

  “Handle who?” a groggy voice asks from behind me and I’m smiling already. I really didn’t want to leave without telling her goodbye. I turn and see that Jessa’s back in my t-shirt which just barely covers her fine ass.

  “Vi thinks that Stella’s gonna fuck us up,” I say, going to her and wrapping her up in my arms.

  “Who?” Jessa says with acting skills that could earn her some kind of award. I almost believe her.

  “No one,” I tell her, pulling her red, puffy lips into mine. When I pull out of her mouth she stares at me severely, but says nothing.

  Reluctantly, I let her go, grabbing a hold of her ass as she walks away from me. Nothing in this world would take me away from that girl. That – just that, her body in my hand, makes me want to fall to my knees. That girl’s got me like nothing ever will, which is fine. It’s fucking perfect because all that shit we spewed before, during and after sex is truth – there was nothing before us. We were nothing before each other and that is not something anyone could come between.

  “I love you, beso,” I call out to her as I head to the bathroom to shower.

  “Everyone does,” she tells me.

  #

  The guys and I have been playing all day and it seems like we’re finally getting somewhere so we’ll probably stick around here late into the night. I take out my phone to let Jess know.

  Come to the warehouse. We’re going to be here late.

  Please?

  Please. Bring Vi if she’s around so we can keep Jimmy here.

  Give us an hour.

  Make it sooner. Love you B.

  I put my phone away and look at Billy who’s tuning his bass. Jimmy and Louis ran down the street to get some beer and food and the room, with just the two of us here, is a little uncomfortable and I guess I probably know why. If he’s not talking it’s cause he’s feeling bad about something. I’m not good with the tension, so I ask him, “How’d your night go?”

  “It was pretty interesting,” he mutters. “I hung back with Stella. I wanted to figure out what kind of shit she was planning on pulling. You want to hear about it?”

  “All I want to know is when she’s planning on getting the hell out of here.”

  “Not any time soon, man. You might be stuck with that situation for a while. Vincent is playing in a cover band,” he says, laughing, and I can’t help but smile at that. He’s like Stella – his heart was never in it- just his ego. A cover band is where he belongs. “She was trying to play like she just came back for you and had no idea that you had started playing again. She was talking like you’re still rebounding from her. I didn’t want to talk about your girl, but she obviously saw her, so I got the third degree about that situation. I got the feeling that she didn’t really see Jessa as an obstacle. I don’t think she’s going to let this go anytime soon.”

  “Just don’t go getting friendly with her. Don’t be her way back into my life.”

  “I’m not trying to be, but the girl’s been blowing up my phone all day.”

  “Shit, Billy. Are you talking to her?”

  “No, man, but she wants to talk to you. She’s not gonna lay off ‘till she gets what she wants.” Stella doesn’t have my new number so I guess Billy’s taking one for the team.

  “Fuck,” I mutter.

  “We’ll just keep shutting her down. Eventually she’ll go away,” he tells me, shaking his head. His eyes meet mine and he actually looks concerned. “That’s gotta be hard for you – seeing her again.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “I don’t know, man. I mean, last time you were in your apartment with her she was, you know…”

  “Fucking Vincent?”

  “Yeah, I me
an, you guys were together for a long time. You were just a couple of fucked up little kids, but still, it’s gotta be hard.”

  “For a lot of reasons – I wish she would have stayed away. Just make this easy on me, man, and be on my side.”

  “I’m always on your side. Don’t worry about it.”

  I hear the heavy metal door open and I assume it’s the guys, but Billy mutters the words, “Oh shit,” under his breath.

  I turn and see Stella walking across the room. “What the fuck?” I ask Billy.

  “I didn’t think she’d show up here. Damn, that girl is persistent.”

  “You told her we were here?”

  “No, man. She’s tight with Jesse. She already knew.” Jesse is Jimmy’s friend who owns the place. Fucking figures – Stella seems to be tight with every guy in this city.

  I look at her in her low slung Dickies and her cutoff beater tank that exposes her entire torso down to her hip bones. Funny, how I can’t handle sending Jessa off in clothes that cover her entire body but I never had a problem with Stella’s perpetually exposed stomach. The look was hot then – it’s hot now- but it never got me worked up like Jessa’s body does. I turn away from her, shaking my head. She’s gonna be a problem.

  Before she even makes her way across the room the door opens again and Louis and Jimmy are behind her. Louis is checking out her ass and Jimmy is scowling at her presence.

  They all make their way over to us and I don’t even look at her. “What’s going on, Stella?” Louis says like she’s one of the crew and totally welcome to just stop on by whenever she feels like it.

  “Not much. I was just hoping Pax would be willing to talk to me now that his girl’s not around.” I don’t look at her or respond so she turns her attention to Jimmy. “I heard you’re part of the band now,” she says. I glance up and see her wrapping her arm around his shoulder. He recoils and removes her hand.

  “Sorry,” she says, laughing. “You’re with Vi now, huh? She probably doesn’t want me anywhere near her man.”

  I can’t help but laugh at that epic understatement.

  “I don’t want your leach hands on me,” Jimmy tells her, dropping the sacks of food on the coffee table and leaving the room completely. Good for him. I should probably follow, but I’m thinking I gotta shut this situation down quick.

  “Jesus, he’s turned into a prick. She must have him on a tight leash. Your girl too, huh Paxton? You’re on a leash too,” she says with a smile, turning her eyes on me.

  I can’t help the spasms that jump in my body with her eyes on me. It’s like my entire past enters the room when she does and every horrific and stimulating thing from it wants to come out. I stare at her, trying to gauge my reaction. Trying to define the feelings that aren’t hate. They aren’t love, for damn sure. Just nostalgia. The fact is everything I went through, I went through with her. She was my bad memories, but also my good ones. “You’re the one that knows about leashes. I haven’t seen one since you exited my life.”

  She takes a step closer to me – too close to me. “Seriously, Paxton. I really want to talk to you. Can I, just for a minute?” I hear Billy let out a loud breath and Louis clangs on his symbol, but they both walk out of the room. Not what I need.

  “Seriously, Stella, there is nothing to talk about. You are not part of my life and all I want from you is a quick and permanent exit.”

  “Paxton, I’m here now. We run in the same crowd and I don’t want it to be uncomfortable every time I see you. Last time I was here it was the two of us. Three years of our lives, Pax. Why do I have to lose everything?”

  “I don’t run in a crowd, Stella. It’s me and the guys and Vi and Jessa. That’s it. Everyone else, including you, can fuck off. I’m not concerned.”

  “So Jessa’s her name?” she says with sorrow in her voice.

  I give her a tight smile and nod towards the door. “Get out of here, Stella.”

  “Do you love her?”

  “You don’t get to talk about her.”

  “Sounds like a no,” she whispers. I look at her doll-like face… her big sad eyes. Her voice brings me back to those first years. Her voice was always so fragile and soft. Those eyes of hers made me want to save her. I could forgive her right now. Looking at her makes me want to forgive her and tell her I don’t want all of those years to mean nothing. But like my mom, Stella has two sides and as sweet and vulnerable as she can look and sound and be, it’s not her. It’s not who she is. She’s manipulative and charming and cares about one thing. Stella cares about Stella and I’m starting to learn that it’s the quality I hate most in people. Selfishness to the point of hurting anyone to get what they want. It’s an ugly fucking trait and Stella has it in abundance.

  “It’s definitely not a no. It’s about as far away from a no as you can get. Nothing about that is gonna change. Ever. So you need to give up on this shit because I’m never gonna love anyone but her.”

  “In your mind you’re telling yourself that I deserve this. That I was the one that fucked up and ruined what we had, but it wasn’t all me. How many times did you cheat on me? How many days did you stay away from me, strung out, making me worry about whether you were dead or alive? It wasn’t supposed to end the way it did. It wasn’t supposed to end…”

  “I’m not gonna rehash shit with you, Stell. None of that matters.”

  “It matters to me. I think about you, about us, every day. I think about the things you did to me and the mistakes we made. I think about the good times too- the days and nights we spent in bed, the fun we had in this city. You can tell me whatever you want to but you’re never gonna have what we had with that girl.”

  I stand up now, getting in her space, locking my eyes with hers. I want to scream so my voice comes out in a strained whisper. “What went down with us was nothing. Nothing. You don’t get to talk about us anymore, you get that? You don’t know anything about love. I didn’t either. That’s not what went down with us. You have no idea what I have with Jessa.” The door opens again but I don’t take my eyes off Stella because she’s still looking at me like she doesn’t get it.

  “Paxton,” Vi shouts, her voice echoing around the cavernous room. “Paxton,” she calls again.

  I take my eyes off Stella and turn to Vi, but my gaze quickly goes a few feet behind her to where Jessa is walking. I feel immediate relief that she’s here. I head to her and grab her hand, intending to turn her around and get her away from Stella, but she plants her palm on my chest to stop me.

  “Let’s go,” I tell her.

  “No, Paxton. I’m not gonna keep running away from her. What the hell is going on?”

  “What do you think is going on? She’s stalking my life and I’m trying to tell her to get the fuck out. If she’s not gonna go, then I am.”

  “No,” Jessa wraps her arms around my waist and stares up at me with determination. She pushes herself up to my lips and kisses me softly and I temporarily forget about the past that’s still standing in the room, but when she pulls out of my mouth she tells me, “Come on, I want to meet her.”

  “Shit, beso.”

  Her hands slip off my waist and her fingers lace with mine. She turns me around and we head back to Stella who is getting a rant from Vi. “How many people have to tell you to go before you finally do it?”

  “Calm down, kitty cat,” she tells her with an easy smile on her face. “You can have Vincent back, I’m done with him.”

  “Oh, please. God- you two were perfect together.”

  The guys come back in the room and Jimmy immediately goes to Violet and pulls her away and over to a couch. Billy and Louis are standing on either side of Stella like they are going to escort her out if need be. It’s ridiculous how riled up she’s got all of us. Jessa seems completely cool though. I steer her to the couch, sitting us down and wrapping my arm around her protectively.

  Stella runs her eyes over my girl. “I love your dress,” she tells her sweetly, but Jessa’s not stupid.

/>   “I highly doubt you love my dress.”

  “I would never wear it, but it looks nice on you. I wasn’t trying to insult you, you’re just not the kind of girl Paxton usually goes for. He doesn’t usually like his girls so prissy and tame.”

  I have to laugh at that one. Jessa’s looks, like Stella’s, are definitely deceiving.

  “I know exactly how he likes his girls.”

  “It’s just a stretch going from me… to an Abercrombie ad.”

  “If you’re trying to say Jessa is a whole lot sexier than the girls I usually play around with, I completely agree,” I tell Stella.

  She gives me a tight smile and then turns her attention back to Jessa. “You’re beautiful.”

  “Don’t try to get chummy with her,” I tell Stella, knowing her game. “She’s not fucking stupid.”

  “Relax, okay,” she tells me, sitting down in a chair like she’s going to stay. “She just doesn’t look like she belongs with you.”

  “Nothing’s ever belonged with me more, so move on. What else do you want to say to my girl ‘cause I’m ready to see you walk out that door.”

  “The fact that you’re so wound up and defensive, simply because I’m in the room, is telling. You might want to reign it in in front of your girl.”

  “What are you doing here, Stella?” Jessa asks her with honest curiosity, no hint of anger in her voice.

  “I just stopped by to see my friends. I know you don’t appreciate me being around Paxton but I’ve known all these guys for years.”

  “So you came here to catch up with the guys?”

  “Yeah, I did. And to try and talk to Paxton. I’m sorry if I make you uncomfortable, I know you don’t want to hear this, but Paxton and I have a long past and I love him… and I’m willing to fight for him.”