Inside of You (Jessa & Paxton #2) Read online

  Epilogue – Paxton

  “Yo, you bums. Get your asses out of bed. I only got two hours before I gotta be at work,” Santos tells us after busting into our room without knocking.

  “Seriously, asshole, does she gotta start sleeping in a full on sweat suit? I’m onto your game,” I tell him, pulling the covers on our bed all the way up to Jessa’s neck.

  Santos just shrugs. “I see her in that little bikini all the time. What’s it matter if I see a little more?”

  “I hate it when you guys talk about me like I’m not even here,” Jessa mutters into my neck where her head is resting.

  “Now you’re pissing the girl off. Get your ass out of here, we’re going back to bed,” I tell my cousin.

  “No,” Jessa says through her yawn. “I want to get up. I want to go to the skate park.”

  For the first time in my Venice life, being in doors is more appealing than being out in the sun. No matter where we’re living, in bed with Jessa will always be my favorite place. Although being on my board is better than ever now too. She wasn’t shitting me with all that skateboard talk. Jessa’s a natural athlete, one of those crazy people who won’t give up until she’s perfected whatever move she’s trying to nail. Right now it’s her backside air. She started dropping into the bowl before I even had a chance to tell her she needed to learn how to pump first. She spent two days riding around it, getting a feel for the walls and the pockets. Then it was game on. It seemed like she was nailing a new trick every day. Less than two weeks into it she was airing out of the bowl, riding fakies, nailing stalls and even grinding 50-50s. The girl is stubborn and she has no fear. And shit, it’s not like we’re devoting all our days to the skate park. She loves riding the streets and has got a whole other set of tricks she’s working on there. She’s getting a feel for the waves too. She is un, fucking, real.

  “You coming with us, Pax, or do I get her all to myself today?”

  “Shut up, Santos,” Jessa and I say at the same time.

  “You got fifteen,” he tells us before leaving our room and shutting the door.

  “You have to put a lock on that door,” Jessa tells me, sitting up and stretching. “Vi was a much better roommate.”

  “We need to get our own place without a roommate,” I tell her, pulling her body down to mine.

  “You should just be happy he’s letting us stay here,” she says before leaning in and kissing me.

  We spent a couple of days with Gabriel, but sleeping on a couch was not really working out for us. And Santos’ place is sweet. He cleared out the shabby apartment above Emilio’s tattoo shop and moved in a few months ago. The room Jessa and I are staying in is small, but we’re on the boardwalk, out of the ghetto, and literally feet from the ocean. It’s almost worth living with Santos.

  I grab a hold of her ass and pull her body up mine wondering how much time I got before Santos is gonna come barging in again.

  Jessa groans, pushes her naked body into mine, but then she rolls off of me. “Two hours, Pax. He’ll be at work in two hours.”

  “Yeah,” I reluctantly agree, following her out of bed. I head to the door, leaning against it, making sure it stays closed, making sure Santos don’t get to see what I’m seeing right now. Jessa’s body has turned golden in the sun. The outline of her tiny bikini is clear on her skin. Her body was always unbelievable and the hours spent on her board are just making it better. Her muscles are toned, her ass is even perkier than before. She is so beautiful. She gets her tank top and shorts on and I walk away from the door to get myself dressed. Jessa pulls her hair, which is now streaked from the sun, into a low braid. “What?” she asks me. I guess ‘cause I can’t stop staring at her.

  “You are so fucking sexy,” I tell her.

  She raises an eyebrow at me. “I would have bet my life that there was nothing sexier than you, up on stage, with your guitar strapped on. But I was wrong. Watching you land a backside three sixty kick flip was the sexiest thing I have ever seen.”

  “So now I’m your hero and your idol.”

  “You’re my everything, babe.”

  “Live and die,” I tell her, opening our door and following her out. We head to the bathroom to brush our teeth and then down to the tattoo shop to find Santos.

  “Good morning, beautiful,” Gabriel, who is hanging around the shop drinking coffee with Emilio like he does every morning, says to Jessa, wrapping her up in a big bear hug.

  “Hey, Gabriel, you got a cup for me?” she asks him.

  “How many times I gotta tell you… call me Pops,” he says, sounding like he’s actually offended. It’s strange watching my dad with Jessa. I never pegged him for a softie, but he’s attached to her. She has that effect on people around here, just like she did back in Chicago. When I give her shit about the fact that my friends and family love her more than they do me she tells me it’s just ‘cause she’s my girl. But that ain’t right. They love her because she’s her- she’s strong, confident and independent, but there’s a part of her that you can’t help but want to protect and take care of. She’s enthusiastic and passionate about everything we got going on in this new life we’re living and I think it’s good for all of us to see our world through her virgin eyes. She’s got a kick ass sense of humor and can hold her own with even the toughest OG vatos in Gabriel’s crew which is entertaining for all of us and gets her all kinds of respect. And I mean, this one’s shallow, but she’s nice to look at. She’s the prettiest thing in this city.

  “Don’t push her, Gabriel,” I tell him, like I have before. He don’t realize that any form of the word ‘dad’ is not exactly a term of endearment in Jessa’s vocabulary.

  He shrugs his shoulders then yells, “Emilio, get our girl a cup of coffee,” to my uncle who turns around to give Jessa a smile and a wave before heading to the coffee machine. “What do you two got going on today?”

  “We’re going to hit the park for a couple of hours, then… I don’t know?” Jessa says, shrugging her shoulders at me.

  “Then I’m bringing her back to our place and spending the rest of the day alone with her,” I tell him. These first few weeks back my dad has been relentless. Gabriel wants to parade her around like she’s his long lost daughter. We’ve been at his house most nights and when the sun’s up and we ain’t in bed or on our boards, Emilio’s got her helping out at the front desk or Gabriel’s trying to take her out to lunch or to one of his other day time hang outs. It’s like he and my uncle know she’s never had any good grown men in her life, which they don’t know, and they’re trying to make it up to her. It would be cute if it didn’t take her away from me so often. But it’s good – for Jessa and for Gabriel. They got their own thing going on that I’m not part of and I’m cool with that. He seems to want to do right by her and, no, he hasn’t quit drinking his beers, but he hasn’t been drunk or high once since we’ve been back.

  “But you’re coming over for dinner, right?” he asks her with his charming smile.

  “I would love to,” she tells him as Emilio delivers her a Styrofoam cup of coffee. I, of course, don’t get shit. “But Pax is hard to resist. Plus you guys are hard to keep up with. Actually, a night lounging around sounds awesome. We can order pizza…” she says lazily, her gaze veering to me.

  “Damn, we lost her,” Gabriel says to his brother.

  “Maybe you need to find your own woman. Let the poor girl relax.”

  “You know how long it’s been since we’ve had a female in the family?”

  “I’m with you, brother. It’s nice having a pretty girl around. And it’s good to see Paxton all lovey dovey. But what I’m saying is if you like it so much, go get your own.”

  “I don’t want no woman. I just want to make sure she’s happy. I don’t want her leaving my boy and I don’t want my boy leaving me.”

  He is turning into a softie.

  “You guys are making me happy. I love it here. And as far as leaving your boy goes… that’s never gonna happen.”


  “This is why I love her,” Gabriel says, slinging an arm around Jessa.

  “Let’s go,” Santos yells from his station where he was flipping through images while we got our little morning cheese fest out of the way.

  I pull Jessa away from my dad and through the back room where we keep our boards and Jessa’s helmet and gear. The three of us head down the back alley towards the park. Santos is chatting away about nothing. Jessa is laughing at his comments that are meant to entertain her. I’m just feeling good. Perfect.

  We get set up at the park. It’s busy like it always is, but at least there are no camera crews around today. “If you get this trick down today can we get back to the streets tomorrow? I’m tired of these crowds,” Santos says. I don’t answer ‘cause he’s not asking me.

  “Definitely,” Jessa tells him as she straps her elbow pads on. “You coming?” she asks me.

  “Nah, I’m just gonna watch you for a while,” I tell her.

  “He’s a pussy. Let’s go,” Santos says, winking at me.

  “He’s not a pussy, he’s just protective,” she corrects him. And she’s right. I gotta keep my eye on her. I love keeping my eye on her. I’ll get my own runs in when she’s ready for a break.

  “The boy don’t realize you can take care of yourself.”

  “Ha,” she laughs. “When I rocked my head on the rim yesterday and almost lost consciousness where were you? You were in the snake run trying to impress that chick with the big tits. And where was Pax? In the bowl, dragging my ass out before I got ran over by some asshole.”

  “Whatever. Let’s go,” he tells her, “You look like a total newb in that gear, by the way.”

  “And you look like a total sheep trying to keep up with guys like Paxton who always nail their tricks.”

  “Ooh, burn,” he teases her.

  Jessa flips him off then gives me a kiss before taking off for the mini bowl with Santos following her. And not the other way around.

  “Show them how it’s done, beso,” I tell her.

  “I’m gonna get it today,” she calls back to me.

  I head to the rim of the mini bowl so I can watch her. Her expression becomes focused and then she drops in like she’s been doing it her whole life. She rides around the walls, gaining momentum, finding her lines. The last thing I would have figured when I first met Jessa was that she was an athlete, but it’s so obvious now as I watch her confidence, the way her body naturally reacts and corrects itself. She runs a few fifty fifty’s- her speed picking up every time she drops back in. “Go for it, beso,” I call to her. She starts popping out of the bowl, doing some basic ollies, her board getting higher every time. When I know she’s about to go for it I hold my breath, she goes to grab her nose and pulls out too much and lands on the flat, sliding down into the basin on her knees. My instinct is to go to her, cradle her in my arms, and make sure she’s okay, but she hates that shit. So I clench my teeth and stay silent. She stands back up and climbs out of the bowl. “What am I doing wrong, babe?” she asks me when she’s back on the deck.

  “Get out of it quicker if you can. Focus less on the grab and more on where you’re gonna land. Just look at the concrete. Feel yourself landing it.”

  She nods her head and drops back in. She goes for it again but doesn’t pop out enough and ends up landing on her back wheel. She gives it a few more tries before she takes a break. She pulls her helmet off and grabs a water out of the bag by my feet.

  “You hurting?” I ask her.

  “No, just losing my focus. I need to forget about if for a minute.”

  “You’re so close, beso. You’re gonna get it today,” I tell her, grabbing her board and our bag and heading to a ledge near the street section where we sit down, our legs hanging, looking out at the ocean.

  “I must be quite the woman to have dragged you away from here,” she tells me. “This is paradise.”

  I wrap my arm around her and feel right when her small frame is tucked under my arm. “This is exactly where I was when I decided I had to go get you. I kind of knew it, then I got in the pool and started feeling the concrete. My mind cleared and I knew without a doubt you were where I needed to be.”

  Jessa leans on my chest then tilts her head up asking me for a kiss which I gladly give her. “I can’t wait ‘till I’m that good. ‘Till I can just drop into the pool and start carving, my mind not having to focus on what I’m actually doing. Not even thinking about it.”

  “You think you were meant to do this… live here, so far away from home, surrounded by all this testosterone? You think this is where we are meant to be?”

  “Logically, the answer should be no. I mean, you’re right – I’m so far away from home, from all the people in River Bluff and Chicago that I love. And with Nat’s wedding and the charges against Dan, I’m obviously going to have to get back to River Bluff at some point. But I don’t want to stay there. I never thought that my future was there. Even now that I’m no longer afraid of being stuck there living my mom’s life, I still can’t see myself living there. And as far as Chicago and I go, I miss the life we were living there with Vi, but from that first night you came back I knew it wasn’t where you belonged. I always knew we would leave there eventually and come here. And now that we’re finally here, it feels right, Pax. But really, it’s up to you. You are the one who has responsibilities and people depending on you.”

  Ever since that DVD and audio recording of our show hit, Polly has become something completely different. I had no idea that shitty radio station would change anything, but they did. People are actually buying the shit- Gabriel included. He and Jessa watch the thing at least a couple times a week but it’s uncomfortable for me- hearing the pain in my voice, remembering how fucked up that entire week was. But the whole situation is great ‘cause I got money trickling in and I don’t have to do anything to earn it. But it’s bad too because, according to Billy, if we want to make anything serious happen now is the time. He’s got people interested in helping us. But there is no way I’m going back there. Not now that I know how much Jessa loves it here. Not now when I know how perfect life in Venice can be when she’s here with me. “We ain’t leaving here. I think this is where we belong.”

  “I agree. This is already feeling like home. So what’s the plan?”

  I still have options as far as the band goes – two of them at least. I can say fuck it all and leave that shit behind, or I can move the guys out here so we can keep playing. Which is something they are willing to do. If there is anywhere in the world you want to be to make shit happen in the music industry, it’s in L.A. Vi’s even on board. But it would mean commitment. It would mean recording and trying to find a label and eventually touring if everything went well. Or even if it didn’t - you still gotta hit the road if you are serious about making anything of yourself in this industry. “What do you think?” I ask her.

  “I think it would be awesome to have Vi and the guys here. I miss them and I think they would love it, but as far as the band goes – that’s your call. Do you want to play again? Do you miss it? Can you see yourself doing that for a while, here, with the guys?”

  “It’s hard to picture any of that here. But then again, I would have never pictured this – you living with Santos, the apple of my Pop’s eyes, grinding the bowls at the park, working the front desk for Emilio.”

  “And yet, here I am. Feeling more like myself than I ever have.”

  “You think Venice is the answer to everyone’s problems?”

  “No. I think figuring out who you really are and what you really want is.”

  “I know who I am and what I want but I still don’t know what I want to do with the band.”

  Jessa’s silent as she lays on my chest. I’m quiet too. I don’t have an answer to anything right now. I don’t want to have to make decisions. I don’t want anyone besides Jessa counting on me. But I don’t want to let them down either. Plus, I gotta make a living and if this is what I’m supposed to be doin
g then I don’t want to do it without the guys.

  “Get on your board, babe. If that’s where you think best, then get on your board.” Jessa sits up from my chest and smiles at me before nodding to the park behind her.

  I want to do that so I look around for Santos. I don’t like leaving her alone at this place. The locals that ride here are cool, but I don’t trust the punks that are here on some day trip trying to prove they’re the shit, looking at my girl like they want to impress her.

  “Pax, I’m fine. You can’t spend every minute of the day babysitting me. If this is where we are going to start our life then you are going to have to get over your fear that something’s going to happen to me here. I can handle myself.”

  “Yeah. Okay, kid,” I tell her, kissing her before standing and grabbing my board. But my eyes are still searching for Santos. I find him on the deck by the pool and send him over to Jessa before dropping in.

  On a day like today when it’s not overcrowded and I can get a line going from the pool to the snake to the bowl, I could ride until my legs give out. Which is what I feel like doing. I got no one to impress, no tricks I’m trying to nail. I just have a head to clear. So I ride. Popping in and out. Knowing each pocket and wall in this place like the back of my hand. The people around me become a blur. Everything except the sound of my wheels on the concrete and the feel of the air as I ride through it disappears. The weightlessness and freedom of flying through the air ensues. All I am is a body connected to a board.

  I’m waiting for some insight on my future, but all I’m seeing is the past. I see myself in the Dixon home. The little boy who was sad, but still had a mother willing to give him love. I see Jessa as a child, with her beautiful mother and her supportive father. I see myself having to say goodbye to Gabriel when the summer was over and Jessa after her father left her. I think about the years that I spent in Glencoe when Rachel was treating me like a ghost, not even acknowledging my presence in her home. And how hopeless I felt when I realized that Gabriel was going to lock up. And Jessa when she realized that her father wasn’t coming back and that the mother she knew was gone too. I feel the ugliness of the life I was living in Chicago with Stella and I see Jessa in her short dresses playing her game with whatever guy she was playing it with. A game that Dan Benson had taught her how to play.