Part of Me (Jessa & Paxton #1) Read online

  “You know why it had to be that way, right?” I ask her, feeling shitty for the first time for doing that to her. She’s always acted like that kiss meant nothing. When we both proclaimed that we weren’t interested in getting anything from each other, I kind of believed her. I mean, I knew that there was a sexual energy between us that never went away, but I believed that she was cool with the friendship that we eventually found ourselves in.

  “Yeah, I do. And eventually I convinced myself that I didn’t want you either. And at some point I totally started to believe it – that you were just my friend. That you were the best friend I had ever had. And I managed to continue to believe that lie right up until this morning. So it’s weird, Pax, knowing what you can do to me, knowing exactly what your body looks like and feels like. Knowing how it feels to have my fingers wrapped around you and knowing that you have been inside of my mouth.”

  Her words, obviously, have me hard as a rock- again, and have my fingers digging into her flesh. She turns herself on top of me and runs her warm, wet insides over me. “I don’t think I ever really thought of you that way – I always wanted more from you than a friendship,” I tell her. “Since the day I met you there hasn’t been a day that I haven’t thought about how it would feel to be buried deep inside of you.”

  Jessa lets out a low moan and pushes down harder on me.

  I bite my tongue because I can feel myself wanting to lay all kinds of deep, heavy shit on her that I know she can’t handle.

  “Why didn’t you do that, Pax?” she breaths. “Why didn’t you ever try to have me?”

  “You know why. I wanted to leave that town and pretend that year never happened.”

  “And…” she breathes, pushing down harder on me, making it difficult to keep my thoughts in check and to form words.

  “And I knew that all you’d ever known were farm boys and that the shit I was gonna show you would have you begging me to stick around. I didn’t want to break your heart,” I tell her factiously.

  “You’re lucky I’m about to get off, Pax, because that evasive shit is getting old,” she tells me between her quiet moans.

  “Shut up, Jess,” I manage to mutter, pulling her down harder on me.

  Until today I had never gotten off this way, but she’s already proven to me that it is possible. I swear to God, she was meant to do this – with me. Her body, no matter how she has it laid on me, or what part of it she has on me, is tailor fit for me.

  She pushes down longer and harder and her insides form perfectly to me. It feels better than when I’m actually inside a girl. There is no condom separating us and I can feel exactly how wet Jessa is. And I can imagine exactly what it would feel like to be in her. I’m about to lose it, so I take a hand off her hip to pull her nipple into my fingers.

  I can feel her, hear her, starting to lose control, so I let go of her nipple to grab onto her hips with both hands, helping her through her last few thrusts and feeling her let go, letting myself go, too.

  She lets out a long exhale and then she goes limp on top of me. I stop her before she lays on me to grab the much used towel on the bedside table to wipe myself off. I lay her down gently on my chest where she nuzzles her face into my neck. Her legs are pulled up tightly around my hips and her hands are flopped lazily over my shoulders. I grab the comforter and pull it over our bodies before burying my fingers in her hair and closing my eyes. Shit, I’ve never felt as perfect as I do right now with her tired body conformed perfectly to mine.

  “Pax,” she whispers.

  “Yeah, beso?”

  “This has been the best night of my life. Thank you.”

  “I agree,” I tell her, but her deep breaths and way her body has gone completely limp tell me that she’s already asleep.

  “I love you,” I whisper before letting the sleep drag me under.

  #

  As Jessa and Vi make their way around the kitchen, throwing together dinner for the three of us plus Jimmy who is on a bar stool at the counter next to me, I can’t stop staring at my girl. We just rolled out of bed about an hour ago when Vi told us we had to come out and eat. Jessa peeks up from the salad she’s throwing together to give me a sly grin. I know what she’s thinking because I’m thinking the same thing. I want to get this eating bullshit over so I can get her back to bed.

  “What time are we going out?” Vi asks no one in particular.

  “I’m assuming you’re talking to your man, ‘cause Jess and I aren’t going anywhere.”

  Jessa lets out an amused laugh, but doesn’t comment.

  “Oh, come on you assholes. You are not just abandoning me. I’m not losing both of you. You’re coming out with me, aren’t you, Jessa?” Vi whines, giving my girl her big puppy dog eyes.

  Jessa turns to her and lays her hands on Vi’s shoulders, she’s shaking her head ‘no’ and I can’t help but smirk, but then she says, “Of course I am,” before giving Vi a loud kiss on her mouth.

  “No,” I tell them. “Hell, no.” For one, I don’t want to go anywhere and for two, the kiss Jessa just gave Vi made me jealous – I’m not bringing her out to a bar full of guys. I’m pretty fucking sure she don’t want anyone but me, but I don’t even want eyes on her.

  “It’ll be fun,” Jessa tells me.

  “Jessa, there is no fucking way.”

  “Oh, shush, Paxton. You have to share her,” Vi tells me.

  “I have to share her? No, actually, I don’t have to share her.”

  Jimmy laughs. “Holy shit, Paxton. Calm down. It’s going to be okay. Take your girl out for a couple of hours. When you get her back home, she’ll still be yours.”

  “Hello, I’m standing right here,” Jessa mutters, throwing plates full of food in front of Jimmy and me. “I didn’t realize my life was in Paxton’s hands. Is that how this usually works? After you have a girl, you get to tell her how to live her life?” she asks me and I can tell she’s starting to get pissed.

  “I haven’t had you,” I seethe, “but if you stay home with me I might let you have me.”

  Jessa lets out a disbelieving laugh. “Oh my god, I am not worthy. You would really do that for me? All I have to do is stay enslaved in that bed and you will bestow upon me the gift of Paxton? Why didn’t you say so?”

  “Okay, you two. Don’t start fighting. It’s fine- if you want to stay home, stay home,” Vi tells us but I know it’s too late for that. I can see it in Jessa’s pissed off expression.

  “I’m going out,” Jessa tells me.

  I shake my head at her before giving her my biggest smile. “Awesome.”

  We eat in silence. I’m pissed as I stare at Jessa. She’s not looking at me, she’s not looking at anything and I wonder what’s running through her mind. An absent smile breaks out on her face and I can’t help but smile too. A hint of a laugh escapes her mouth and I wonder which of the many fun things we did together she’s thinking about. “What’s running through your head, kid?” I whisper.

  Her lit-up eyes flash to mine and she’s not even trying to keep the smile off her face anymore. “You,” she tells me with a hint of defeat in her voice.

  “That’s right,” I tell her. I’m all she should be thinking about.

  She rolls her eyes at me, but keeps her smartass comment to herself.

  Jessa wouldn’t get in the shower with me and I’m having a hard time staying in our room waiting for her to finish hers. I should be worn out from Jessa, but excess energy is causing me to pace the bedroom.

  The door opens and Jessa stands there, clean and wet and I’m all over her in two seconds flat. I undo her robe and pull it off her body, digging my fingers into her warm, wet flesh, my mouth all over hers. She kisses me back with all kinds of greed and hunger for a minute, but then she pulls out of my mouth and pushes at my chest. “No, Pax,” she tells me adamantly.

  “Come on, beso,” I say, rounding her breasts, pulling her nipples into my fingers.

  I know the look in her eyes- is pure lust, but she man
ages to push me off of her. “Stop it, we can’t do this. I have to make it out that door and if you start playing with me that’s never gonna happen.”

  I reach for her again, but she backs away. “Jesus. Fine,” I mutter, falling onto our bed, giving up. I lean against the wall and watch Jessa as she slips on a skimpy pair of panties and a lace bra. “I’m just going to take all that shit off in a couple hours from now. What’s the point of even putting it on?”

  “We’re going out with Vi, get over it, because if I have to hang out with asshole Paxton all night, then asshole Paxton will be sleeping on the other side of the room tonight,” she informs me while pulling a very tight, red dress over her head. The fabric covers up everything from her neck to her wrists to her mid-thighs, but every beautiful inch of her body is clear as day.

  “You’re not wearing that,” I tell her.

  She turns and stares at me for a moment before walking over to the bed and sitting down in front of me. “Listen, Pax, these last twenty four hours have been the best hours of my life and I want to keep doing this with you but I’m not going to be able to if you don’t stop this.”

  My body tenses up. I know all about the rules and requirements Jessa puts in place for the ass-kissing guys she deems worthy of her, but I’m not one of those fucking guys. I sit up from my relaxed position and get in her face. “This is a two way street sweetheart, and if I’m playing your game, you’re going to have to play mine too. If you think I’m gonna let you go out in that dress that is meant to turn guys on, you’re wrong.”

  Jessa cocks her head at me. “Pax, I’m not playing a game. I don’t want you to be playing one either. I’m not going to change the clothes that I wear, that I have always worn, because of your jealousy.” She pauses to stare at me. “And if I have to go to that fucking bar and watch all those women drool over you I’m not showing up in a pair of sweatpants. I’m showing up as the girl you can’t take your eyes off of.”

  I grab a hold of her face and try to stay hard, but it’s clear she doesn’t want to leave this room either and it’s also clear that the girl actually does have a jealous bone in her body. “I’ll let you wear the dress, beso, but it means you don’t get to leave my side.”

  “Why would I want to leave your side?” she asks, before grabbing a hold of my face and crashing her lips into mine.

  Chapter 16 - Jessa

  Paxton and I walk out of our bedroom – me in what I thought was a pretty conservative dress and my high heeled ankle boots – neither of which Paxton approved of. I’ve never had a guy try to tell me how to dress and I don’t know how I feel about it. Although, I have some comments about his outfit which I’m keeping to myself because I know that his black hoodie, that he will pull over his head before we step outside, and his black jeans, belted low around the waist slouching into his black doc martins, are all part of his ‘disguise’ that he wears every time he leaves the apartment.

  “Ooh, love the dress,” Vi tells me, handing me a drink. “And wow, Pax, way to be adventurous with the look,” she says, handing him a beer.

  I tell her thank you and Pax tells her he shouldn’t even be leaving the apartment – for multiple reasons. Both of us collapse on the couch and I wonder how long he’s going to hang out in this town where he’s not comfortable going outside. I try to ignore the way my heart races at that thought and I slam my drink.

  “Maybe we should go somewhere different tonight. Somewhere where Paxton won’t have to worry so much about being recognized,” I tell Vi, reaching over and grabbing Paxton’s hand. He squeezes mine, but I know it’s not to say, ‘thanks’, but to say, ‘maybe we shouldn’t go out at all’. I ignore him.

  “Already taken care of,” Vi tells us with a smile. “The guys are meeting us at Jack’s in twenty minutes.”

  “The damn cowboy bar?” Pax complains.

  “Exactly,” she says kicking her little feet that I now see are covered in cowboy boots. “It’s karaoke night.”

  “Perfect,” Pax mutters.

  #

  I’m smiling ear to ear as we sit at a high table with Billy and Louis. All the guys look completely uncomfortable, but this place is fun and Paxton didn’t even bother putting his hood up. “I don’t know,” Louis says, looking around, “I could maybe get into this shit.”

  “That’s great Louis, maybe you found your new calling. Why don’t you go ask that guy if you can try out his fiddle?” Billy says, laughing to himself.

  “It’s not so bad,” Paxton says, surprising me. I turn my head to look at him and he’s smiling. “I mean, I don’t really think Jessa’s into cowboys,” he says quieter, to me.

  “I don’t know, high waisted jeans and tucked in shirts might be my thing.”

  “So what the hell is going on here? You two finally getting it on?” Billy asks with a mischievous smile.

  Paxton pulls me closer but doesn’t comment.

  “Yes,” Violet answers for us while clapping.

  “Thank God,” Louis mutters.

  Billy stares at me with an arched eyebrow and a smug grin. “I know Billy… you were right, okay?”

  “Thank you,” he tells me. “Just friends,” he mutters, shaking his head.

  “Give her a break, Billy,” Paxton tells him. “She’s never had a real man and it’s scary. It took her a minute to get over herself.”

  I push Paxton and he has to grab a hold of the table to keep from falling on his ass. “Shut the hell up,” I tell him, even though he’s right – I mean about the real man thing. I’ve definitely never had a man like Paxton.

  “It’s not your fault, beso,” he tells me, pulling me off my stool and onto his leg. “I mean shit, the cream of the crop was that pansy, Dylan.”

  “I did good for a little country girl,” I tell him with a twang in my voice, like the girl on the stage.

  “You were too much for that town,” he tells me.

  “It’s funny, that you ended up there. The man who would finally fulfill all of my desires, coming to my little ‘ol town,” I tell him with mock adoration, but I mean the words I say. It’s strange… how this guy ended up in that town. I lose myself in the idea for a moment. “Jesus, just think of all the trouble we could have gotten into in that town if we would have started this there.”

  “That town couldn’t handle us,” Paxton tells me, grabbing onto my thighs and wrapping my legs around him. My hands are automatically pressed into his skull. His hands are holding tight to my ass. He lurches forward and takes my bottom lip in his teeth before licking it.

  “Jesus, Pax, get a hold of yourself,” Billy mutters, pulling me out of my daze.

  I lick Paxton’s upper lip because I can’t help myself, but then I pull away from his teeth and settle myself back on my stool.

  “Come on, beso,” Pax says, grabbing my hand and pulling me off my stool. This is the second trip I’ve had to make with him to the bar. Paxton is acting like an overbearing jealous lunatic and I can’t say that I mind it. Things have definitely changed between us and the way he makes me feel is more intense than anything I have ever felt, which scares me. But I’m trying hard not to think beyond the moment because I really don’t want to ruin this for myself. Or for Pax. It’s clear he’s enjoying having me and I want to keep making him happy.

  “Is this how it’s going to be every time I go out with you?” I ask him as we wait to order our drinks.

  “Yeah, it is. Get used to it.”

  I can’t help but laugh. He’s so ridiculous. “What the hell do you think is going to happen if you leave me alone for two seconds?”

  “All kinds of shit could happen. If you got a problem with it we can head home,” he tells me running his hand up my thigh, his fingers reaching under my dress, making me falter. “I might have been wrong about this dress,” he tells me. “I like it.”

  “What can I get you?” I hear the bartender ask.

  “Are we getting out of here, or am I ordering a drink?” he asks me.

  I pull his h
and out of my dress and sigh. “We can’t leave yet,” I tell him. We’ve been here for twenty minutes. It has to be possible for us to function normally for longer than that.

  He gives me a sexy little smile, then her orders our drinks.

  When we get back to the table Louis is approaching with a binder in his hands. He slaps it down on the table and announces, “The band is getting back together.”

  “Oh, hell no,” Billy says, looking down at the karaoke book.

  “Yes,” I tell him enthusiastically before turning to Paxton. “I want to hear you sing.”

  I expect him to flat out refuse, but he just runs his hand over my face before looking at Billy. “You gotta give her what she wants,” he tells him.

  “I’m not singing country music,” he tells Pax. “Not even for your girl.”

  “Stop whining,” Vi tells him, peering at the book with Louis. “Ooh, look Billy- Johnny Cash,” she says, pen in her hand, filling out the song request form. She takes off across the bar to go turn it in before anyone has a chance to complain.

  Billy just shakes his head. “How do you put up with that girl?” he asks Jimmy.

  Jimmy just laughs, “She knows what she wants. What can I say?”

  We watch the vast array of characters that get up on stage and sing their hearts out. Billy’s got snide comments for all of them, but it’s clear that even he’s enjoying it. Paxton grabs a hold of my stool and drags it between his legs. He pulls my back to his chest and wraps me up in his arms and I settle in. I don’t know that I’ve ever been happier in my life. Everything about right now- the friends I’m with, the body holding mine- feels perfect.

  When the MC announces that the next performers are, ‘Billy and his friends’, Vi starts clapping and Billy utters a curse word but all the guys stand and leave the table, making their way to the stage.

  Vi and I follow and settle near the front of the crowd. She’s hooting and hollering before the music even begins. The repetitive beat of Burning Ring of Fire starts and Paxton grabs the mic stand. This is all supposed to be fun and silly, but when his deep, gravelly voice sings the opening lines, “Love… is a burning thing… and it makes a fiery ring…. Bound by wild desire… I fell into a ring of fire,” I stop moving completely and all I can do is stare. Chills cover my body as his eyes burrow into mine.