Part of Me (Jessa & Paxton #1) Page 14
“I just wanted to clear something up,” I tell her as my thumbs stroke her inner thighs. Her face becomes tense and I know she’s going to try and fight me on this.
“What?” she says. Her voice is breathy and it makes me hard as metal.
“When I told you that I only make girls come with my dick, that was true.” My hands are clamped now, around her pelvic bone. “But I didn’t mean to give you the wrong idea. If what you prefer is a guy’s mouth or hands on you, I can do that too.” I keep my eyes locked on her. She stares right back at me.
“Most guys can,” she tells me.
I nod, and let my thumbs stroke the soft, bare skin around her opening. “They rub or lick your clit. It’s easy. It’s the only way you’ve ever got off.”
She raises her eyebrows at me as if to say, no shit, what other way is there. “There are other ways, Jess,” I answer her unspoken question.
“It’s easy to make a guy believe that, but I’m sorry to tell you – there are not.”
I stare at her hard before letting my thumbs sink inside of her and god, is she wet. And not from the shower, but sticky and hot. Jessa doesn’t flinch when my thumbs are inside of her. She’s staying cool and keeping eye contact. She wraps her hands around my wrists and tries to push me away, but I don’t let her. “Seriously, Pax. What the hell are you doing?”
“I’m being a good friend. I’m going to open your eyes up to new possibilities.”
She flares her nostrils, but relaxes her grip on me.
I press both thumbs into her soft flesh and stroke her. I watch her face closely. She’s trying hard to be right, she’s trying hard to prove me wrong. But when her expression shifts slightly I know she’s going down. I know I’ve found the spot and I’m going to make her come. From the inside. I rub her deep and hard and watch her fight to stay in control of her body.
“Come on Jessa, don’t be stubborn,” I tell her with a grin, while going in deeper, feeling her get wetter, her muscles starting to slowly clamp down on my thumbs.
She doesn’t grin back though. Her breaths are unsteady and her shoulders move with the effort. But she just stares at me with her cool blue eyes that are becoming heavy lidded. Jesus. “Stop, Pax,” she tells me, but her tone tells me she doesn’t really want me to do that. And I know, from her body’s reaction, that she’s already starting her incline towards climax and considering how hard up she is, there is no way she’s gonna stop me now.
“I’ll stop after you come.” I stroke her harder and longer and her mouth pops open but she doesn’t cry out or moan. “Come for me Jess. You know you want to.”
Her hands leave mine and she fists the blanket. Her nostrils flair again, but not from anger but from the pain that comes before the release.
I rub her out for another minute; feeling her muscles tense up and listening to her labored breaths. Staring at her cool blue eyes that are fighting so damn hard to stay in control.
And then I feel it. Her muscles contract hard and quick under my touch and a flow of warm liquid douses the base of my thumbs.
But Jessa just stares at me, breathing heavy but giving nothing away.
My thumbs slow and when I feel the contractions stop completely I pull out of her.
I stare at her eyes and then taste my thumb. “There’s nothing gross about it, kid. You’re salty and you’re sticky and you taste fucking good.”
Her eyes widen but she remains wordless.
I smile at her, then I get up and leave the room.
I probably shouldn’t have done that but I’m glad I did. I’ve been wanting inside that girl from the minute I saw her. My dick is aching with jealousy but I can taste her in my mouth and I know it was worth it. That line I gave her about not touching random skanks was true. I don’t do that, I also don’t put my mouth on them. I haven’t tasted a girl in over a year and Jessa tastes better than anything I’ve ever had before.
I’m at the sink, filling a glass of water when she comes storming out of our room, her mismatched clothes obviously thrown on in a hurry. Her impenetrable face is now filled with rage. “You are such a motherfucker,” she tells me.
I give her a twisted grin. “I told you,” I tell her.
“That’s great, Paxton. Now what the hell am I supposed to do?”
“If you’re in the market for a fuck buddy… I don’t think I’m your man.” Her expression turns from rage to fury. I’m not trying to piss the girl off but I know that I’m not gonna start sleeping with her. At least not yet because I won’t be able to do that with detachment per her requirements.
“Great. I’ll start auditioning potential partners after my lit. class so if you don’t mind, clear out of our room for the afternoon.” She turns and starts walking towards the door so I go after her. I’m not gonna fuck her, but I don’t want anyone else to do it either. I grab a hold of her arm and don’t let go when she tries to yank it out of my grasp. “Let go of me, Paxton.”
“Calm the hell down,” I tell her. “I’m not having sex with you, but if you want someone to get you off thoroughly, I can do that.”
She stops fighting and looks at me severely. “Thanks, Pax, but I don’t play games and you are nothing but a player.”
I let her arm go and she storms out the door. I laugh to myself. I’m done watching her screw around with other guys and she’s done with it to, whether she realizes it or not.
Chapter 14 - Jessa
I’m still fuming when I get to campus. That crap that Paxton pulled is not cool. He’s such a bastard. Plus, that asshole was right. I don’t know what the hell he did to me, but it was mind blowing and sexy and now all I can think about is him being inside of me, staring at me with those eyes of his. He’s a bastard because, despite the fact that this new Paxton that I just met turns me on in so many different ways, I was still holding onto the idea that he’s my friend. That all those people were wrong and there is nothing between us but a friendship. I finally found the closest thing I’m going to get to my ‘other half’ and I’m not throwing that away. I don’t want to throw that away. I don’t want to want Paxton and before this little stunt, I was able to live the lie that I was okay with just friends. But not anymore. And he will not have sex with me. What the hell is that about? Any random skank will do, but not me? Such a motherfucker.
“Jessa,” I hear a familiar voice call.
Shit. I stop and wait for Dylan to catch up to me. “What’s up?”
“Nothing. Are you headed to the English building?”
“Yep.”
“Cool, I’ll walk with you.”
I take a deep breath and continue to stomp across campus and he follows me.
“I’m sorry I hung up on you the other day. I was just upset that you moved out of the dorms- I miss seeing you every day. But I get it. I shouldn’t have been mad at you about it.”
“It’s fine, Dylan,” I mutter. I forgot about that phone call the minute the line went dead.
“So, how are things working out in your apartment?” he asks, cheerily.
I can’t help the sarcastic laugh that leaves my mouth. “Things were good, until Paxton moved in.”
“Paxton’s in town?”
“Yep,” I manage to mutter.
“You two aren’t getting along?” he asks.
“No, not really,” I stammer.
Dylan falls silent then, which is fine with me.
“I know this doesn’t matter anymore, but what was going on with the two of you while you and I were doing whatever it was we were doing before we started dating?” He sounds embarrassed when he asks me this. After spending my time with Paxton and the guys he hangs around with, I can see how right Paxton was about Dylan - even the Dylan that I was just having sex with. He has none of the cocky confidence and attitude that guys like Paxton have. Everything’s a question, nothings a statement. In light of this morning, I’m wondering where that kind of swagger comes from. I can’t get my mind to think of anything but having sex with Paxton.
“You don’t have to lie to me, Jessa. I mean it doesn’t really matter anymore, does it?” he asks.
“Why would I lie to you about that, Dylan? And no, it doesn’t matter now. And it didn’t matter then. We weren’t dating when Paxton came to River Bluff. We were just fucking,” I tell him harshly, taking my anger and sexual frustration from Paxton out on Dylan.
“You know, it sucks that that’s how things have to be with you, Jessa. I know you can’t relate, but it hurts to love someone and have them not give a crap about you. What the hell is wrong with you anyway? The minute you stopped treating me like your sexual servant, you just stopped caring all together. There is something seriously messed up and twisted about that.”
I shake my head. Is it Condemn a Girl For Acting Like a Guy week in this city? Is Dylan about to give me the same speech I already got this week from Paxton? I’m tired of men telling me I have a problem because I don’t want to fall in love. “That’s beautiful, coming from you - a guy. Isn’t that what guys do? Don’t they just fuck girls and then leave them when they’ve had enough and are ready to move on to something prettier and more willing?” I’ve stopped walking now, turning to Dylan- I am ready for a fight.
“You need to deal with yourself. You seem to forget that I’ve known you your whole life and that we grew up in a small town. When your dad left you and your mom for that girl, we all knew about it. When your mom lost her mind and started having breakdowns in her pajamas at the grocery store, we all knew about it. When she suddenly transformed into that lifeless old lady and married Dean, we all watched it go down. Everyone understands why you are so defensive and unreachable except for you. You act like it’s some statement, like it’s a choice. Maybe you need to think about what’s running through your head and stop trying to become just like him because all you’re doing is destroying people just like he destroyed you and your mom.”
I stare at Dylan in mild shock. He doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about. There was a man that contributed to my views on love but it wasn’t my dad. But Dylan didn’t know me then. No one did. It pisses me off that he thinks I have an issue and that he’s capable of psychoanalyzing me. It takes me a moment, but eventually I throw my bag off my shoulder and lunge at him. He stumbles backward, losing his balance and I slam my hands into his chest so he falls down completely. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. The reason I no longer want you has nothing to do with the fact that my parents split up – most peoples do. If you can’t accept the plain and simple fact that you just weren’t doing it for me, then maybe you’re the one who needs to do the soul searching because I don’t have the fucking problem.”
He’s standing now and shaking his head at me. “I’m sorry, Jessa. I didn’t mean that.”
“Can I give you a little piece of advice, so that maybe things pan out for you better in the future?”
“Sure,” he tells me, like I’m really trying to be helpful.
“Stop being such a pussy and grow a pair of balls. You should be angry at me – what I did to you was shitty. Yell at me, tell me you hate me, but don’t presume that you know anything about me. Don’t try to make me into some damaged girl and attach excuses to my behavior in order to make what I did to you less cruel. I’m a selfish bitch who takes what I want and doesn’t care about how it might hurt anyone. This good guy shit isn’t doing anything for you.” I turn and walk away from Dylan, feeling guilty. He doesn’t deserve to be hurt by me. When is he going to learn that, at this point, that’s all I’m good for as far as he’s concerned and just stay away? I take out my phone as I head into the English building. Sorry. Having a bad day. Shouldn’t have taken it out on u.
He texts back immediacy. It’s ok.
I shake my head. Clearly he didn’t take any of my tirade to heart.
I pull up Vi’s number and text her before entering the classroom. Can you meet me for a drink after work?
Love 2. Pick you up at 3.
K. Campus library.
I’m not going back to that apartment. Not until I figure out what the hell I’m gonna do about Paxton.
#
I’m throwing back shots at a random bar like they’re water and I’m dying in the desert. Violet just stares at me with a smirk on her face. I have three down and I can feel the buzz so we order a couple of beers and head to a booth.
“You gonna tell me what’s going on?” she asks.
“It’s been a shitty day. Start to finish - it’s been hell.”
She laughs, “Are you trying to tell me things went downhill after picking up after Paxton this morning?”
“Yes. That was actually the highlight of my day.”
She stares at me, waiting for the details that I’m not sure I want to admit to her. “Paxton’s one of my best friends, but you are too. If there’s something you want to talk about, I can keep secrets and maybe give you some advice.”
True. She knows more about him than I probably ever will and maybe has some insight into that messed up head of his. “He’s such an asshole,” I tell her. “I need him to be my friend. All I want is for him to be the guy that I used to know who totally had it in him to be an ass every once in a while, but was actually cool most of the time. Who I could at least have a normal conversation with without all this tension between us. I mean, he’s been back for three days and I’m already exhausted. I’m trying to maintain my cool but he tells the one guy I was interested in to fuck off, insists on sleeping in my bed, then thinks it’s okay to tell me how to live my life right before he brings that skank home and screws her in our room, and then he pulls this crap.”
Vi’s got her head cocked now and it’s clear she’s holding back a smile. “What crap did he pull, Jess?”
“Ugh,” I say, frustrated.
“Just tell me. You’ll feel better once you have it off your chest.”
I close my eyes and then I tell her, “He got me off from the inside just because we told him it was not possible. He just shoved his hands in me and stared at me with those eyes of his and told me to come for him, and I did.” I open my eyes and Violet is no longer smiling but looks like she’s mildly stunned.
“I’m glad you guys finally got over yourselves and got it on, but what an asshole,” she mutters.
“Exactly,” I agree.
She holds up her bottle of beer and says, “Well, here’s to your new fuck buddy.”
“Put you’re bottle down, Vi. He told me we will not be having sex. That if I need someone to get me off properly, then he will accommodate me, but he’s not going to have sex with me.”
She stutters a laugh. “Looks like it’s about time you gave the commitment thing another whirl.” She raises her bottle again, “Here’s to your new boyfriend.” She’s smiling from ear to ear.
“What are you talking about? He doesn’t want to sleep with me, how does that make him my boyfriend?”
“Oh, sweetie,” she says with mock pity. “You don’t get it, do you? He doesn’t want to sleep with you because he cares about you too much.”
I’ve already had this conversation and it’s very clear that that is not the case. “Vi, this is Paxton we’re talking about. That is not the reason why.”
“Sure it is. What other reason would there be?”
“Um… he’s an arrogant ass who only did that to me to prove he was right. That other b.s. about getting me off… he was just throwing me a bone because I got all pissy and dramatic.”
She narrows her eyes at me. “Are you blind?”
“Don’t start with me again. I know, I know, there is something between us and yes, after this morning I want him, and I know he might want me too, because he wants lots of women. But he doesn’t want to be my FWB and he sure as hell doesn’t want to be my boyfriend.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” she says, rolling her eyes at me.
“You’re not helping me,
Vi.”
“What do you perceive the problem to be?”
“The problem is that I want him. And I don’t even care anymore that he’s supposed to be my friend. I’m willing to take a chance. Even if it’s just once. Just one time. I want him and he told me it’s not happening.” My voice is getting louder and every organ in my body feels like it’s burning, but I can’t calm my ass down.
“He’s not going to be able to say no to you. If that’s what you want, then go get it.”
“What do you want me to do? Beg?”
“You will not have to beg… please. But Jessa, don’t think too much. Just let whatever wants to happen, happen, okay. Don’t make decisions before there is anything to decide about.”
“Vi… it’s just sex. The only decision I will have to make is how I’m going to deal with my humiliation if he blow’s me off.”
“So what’s your game plan, girl?” she asks me.
“I don’t know… walk in the apartment, hope he’s there, hope he’s had a few drinks, then demand that he has sex with me? Do you have any ideas?” I ask.
“He’s always talking about you hair. He loves your hair. You need to take it out of that ponytail.”
“Yeah?” I ask, taking my binder out.
“Do you not realize when his hands are on you? He’s always got his fingers in your hair.”
“That’s just Paxton.”
“That’s just Paxton with you. You don’t see him shoving his hands in my hair. And your lips, he’s always staring at them,” she says pulling some pink gloss out of her purse and rolling it across the table.
“Is he?” I ask, taking it and putting it on.
“Yes, Jessa. I swear, you need an eye exam. He loves your eyes too. He just flat out told me that.”
“What?” I can’t picture something like that coming out of his mouth. At least not out of the Paxton that I met three days ago.
“Anyways, none of that matters because Paxton will give you whatever you ask him for.”
“Shit,” I whisper. I’m not sure why. I guess because suddenly, through Violet’s eyes, he seems like the Paxton I know. Demanding sex from arrogant, closed-off, angry, playboy Paxton was one thing, but demanding it from caring, makes me laugh like no one can, awesome friend Paxton is different.